BAM!! Let’s discuss singleness (*edit)

Just a quick thought…for my benefit.

I was reading through some of the blogs of Perry Noble and
it kicked me in the face…HARD.
I wanted to quote some things he was saying…

perrynoble.com

Here ya go.

If you are single then STOP telling God you are single (HE KNOWS)…embrace this season, ask the Lord to grow you and show you the areas where you need to be a better follower of Him…and for Him to prepare you for your future mate.  (Seriously…if God were to give you to your future mate right now would they say, “thank you Jesus” OR “why me Lord?”)

. . .

My friend Clayton King has a blog…and last week he wrote this article that I asked for his permission to repost here on my site because it was SO AWESOME!!!  Thanks Clayton!

Last week I taught on some practical, common sense ways to know if you should stay or walk away from the dating relationship you are pursuing.  These principles should be asked by every single girl or guy before and during a dating relationship.

Often, people will become so enamored with the idea of being in a relationship that they become brain-dead to the realities of conflicting goals, personalities, expectations, career paths, of dreams for the future.  Just because you are “in love” with someone does not mean it is wise, practical, a good idea, or the will of God that you marry them.  I will say that again…

Just because you are “in love” with someone does not mean it is wise, practical, a good idea, or the will of God that you marry them.

Here is the essential outline of the message with some questions that are worth asking.

1.  Do you constantly question the relationship?  If there is a nagging doubt that will not go away after prayer and seeking Godly counsel from respected leaders and older believers, is it really a good idea to move forward?

2.  Are you in a cycle of sexual sin?  This is the #1 fastest way to ruin a God-honoring, Christ-centered relationship.  When a couple begins messing around sexually, common sense goes out the window and lustful desire takes over.  It is very difficult to salvage a dating relationship once a cycle of sexual sin (and justifying that sin) kicks in.

3.  Is there constant drama, a daily crisis, and frequent late-night intense conversations?  Healthy relationships don’t require 6 hour long marathon cry-fests twice a week or regular arguments and conversations that last til the wee hours of the morning, unless you are in middle school.

4.  Is there spiritual inequality?  It is never a good idea for a Christian and an unbeliever to pursue a romantic relationship.  It is equally foolish to date someone who is in a completely different place in their walk with Christ.  Avoid becoming the counselor or discipler of the person you are dating.  Also avoid “missionary dating” where you fall in love first and then try to lead them to Christ.

5.  Is there complete honesty about your maturity?  How do you (or they) handle conflict?  Money?  How much time do you spend online, playing video games, entertaining yourself?  Is there an overall lack of long-term commitment in their life?  Do they act like a child or an adult in social settings or when they don’t get their way?

6.  Is there involvement and accountability from older believers?  See #1 above.  We try to do relationships alone and we suffer when we don’t involve our parents, our elders, our pastors and our trusted friends by asking for their prayer and discernment.

[i mean WOAH that was like a triple slap in the face with a fly swatter .burn. dannnnngggg clayton king that was some serious amazing advice. Wish i paid better attention to that list in some of my relationships]

. . .

Lastly, 18 Myths Singles Believe

#1 – Being miserable is the result of being single…getting married will solve all my problems.

#2 – I’ve messed up in my past and do not deserve anyone good. (See <f

ont color=”#b87b0d”>I Corinthians 6:9-11, especially focus on verse 11!)

#3 – Ephesians 3:20 isn’t true for me and my future spouse…I need to settle.

#4 – This relationship that I am in isn’t what I would like my marriage to be like..but when we get married I can change this person.

#5 – Having sex will simplify things and cause the person I am dating and myself to have so much more in common.  (See I Corinthians 6:18-20)

#6 – This person is not God’s best for me…but if I rush through the process of dating and getting married then I have God backed into a corner and He has to bless me because He loves me, right?  (See Deuteronomy 6:16)

#7 – Marriage isn’t that big of a deal…if my first one does not work out then I can drop them and start over.  (See Malachi 2:13-16)

#8 – Getting married isn’t going to alter my lifestyle…I am still going to be able to live like I did when I was single, the only difference is I’m going to get to have more sex.

#9 – I am going to get to have sex anytime I want.

#10 – We are going to cuddle all of the time.

#11 – The things that really get all over my nerves about this person won’t bother me as much when we get married.

#12 – The fact that we do not agree on what we believe when it comes to Jesus and the church will not impact the way we raise our kids. (See II Corinthians 6:14 and Amos 3:3)

#13 – We should live together before we get married to give it a “trial run,” after all, you would not buy a car without test driving it first.  (See Hebrews 13:4)

#14 – I need to keep as many secrets about my past from this person as possible; after all, my past issues won’t impact this relationship at all.

#15 – All of my friends are married…I am not…something is obviously wrong with me.

#16 – The way I handle my money now will not impact my future marriage.

#17 – When I get married my spouse will meet all of my needs.

#18 – Dating is tough…marriage is easy!

. . .

So……..God definitely wanted me to read all of that.
i mean i’m not laughing at myself right now or anything creepy like that…
Eh

God is teaching me so much.
SO MUCH.

I know my heart is designed for marriage, but i dont know if i’m still on the path for marriage.
I want it, i desire it, i dream about it.
But maybe it isn’t what GOD wants.
wow, thats a sobering thought, but not one that i can’t face.
If HE doesn’t want me to be married i will willingly lay that desire at His feet. I’m never putting a man or a relationship before the Lord again.
No man in my past, present, or future has been or will ever be worth it to me.

To quote John Piper:
"Before you marry you must look them in the eye and say you are #2. I that is not sweet joy to them then do not marry them"

Amen to that.

My heart has been put through the blender 1 to many times [by my own hands of coarse].
I will not date around.
I will not kiss around.
I will not sleep around.
I am of more worth than that.
My future husband (if that is in the cards) deserves more than that.
I believe in waiting.
So i will wait and SERVE God in all ways possible.

Giving your heart away in small pieces at a time is so damaging. And thats what you do each time you’re in a relationship that ends. I once believed in dating around to find "the right person"…but not anymore. Develope a friendship, develope a base foundation. Sure there could be attraction there but don’t rush it.

I am worthy of the pursuit. I might not feel that way always, men from my past might have made me feel differently…but i am.
I will not settle.
I am not made to just simply settle.

(edit*)
I got an anonymous note about the living together part of it. I can see where you’re coming from but i respectfully disagree.
If you tke a step to live together, why not take that step to get married.
Most people would say "because i want to test drive the car (like stated earlier)" or something along the lines of what you had said, to see if you can live with who they are day in and day out. I can tell you this, you are denying yourself and your significant other the respect you both deserve. There is a lack of commitment when you live together and are not married. If one or neither party is willing ot make that life-long commitment and decide to live together you’re basically stating that they are not (and you are not) worth that commitment. That would be like me saying, "Eh, i’m not sure if i want to marry you yet, let me see where you will be financially in 10 years and then i’ll make that commitment". That isn’t what marriage or relationships are about, at least not what i believe them to be.
Also, i  can not say whether someone is having sex with the person they are living with, that is not my place nor do i really know unless i am told. However i will give you this thought, why would you put yourself in the position to fail? Do you not go to cl

ass and not study before a huge test? I would hope not. Do you not brush your teeth ever before going to the dentist? If you did you would be setting yourself up for failure. If you believe in saving yourself for marriage, and do not wish to sin sexually outside of wedlock why put yourself in a world of temptation by living with your significant other? I’m sorry but that absolutely does not make sense to me.
You, whoever you are, are worthy of a relationship that will be edifying to God and will bring a piece of life to you that you could have never experienced without that person. I hope that makes sense and that you were not offended.
Thank you for commenting, and for reading.