Diary Entry

Apologies to my OD Family, but I am now going to use this lovely space to be an actual diary entry for me to possibly nobody.  But this will be a letter to all of my closest real-life friends.  Which I may never send to them.

Best Friends:

I have so much to share, and I WANT to share it, but I am juggling so many cats right now I have not enough time to say everything to all of you that I want to say.

We need a backyard happy hour NOW to discuss this, but Keith and I are heading out to our property to meet with our builder on Saturday, we meet with our tax lady on Friday, we are going to see Carl perform in his mid-life-crisis band tomorrow night (in the last Covid-safe environment for a while, thank-you Gov. Abbot…) I have to assemble documents for all of those things which I have not done yet because I have been dealing with Mom’s stuff.

Mom. She is in a wonderful place now. I did all of the research and convinced the family and got her admitted. She is happy there. Yea me. Sister has been a hinderance the entire way, but not for any reason against me or actual reason, but primarily denial.

By the way, for the record, my research included places Mom could have lived close to me OR close to my sister, and we landed on the choice of close to my Sis, because that was also closer to more of the family.  I just want to point out that Keith and I were willing to step up and do the most of it.  Which we already do, but from a drive away.

Today, as I was telling Sis all of the things I have done and that still are needed to be done for Mom’s ongoing care which we are just finding out about (she moved from a short-term rehab facility into her new home on Monday), my oblivious Sister said “Oh! Would you like to hear some good news? ”  I said yes.

Sis got to schedule a visit with Mom in person tonight because she went through the hoops to be the “designated caregiver” allowed in.  This was the first time either Sis or us have been able to see Mom in person for a year (other than the restricted ways we were left with due to Covid protocols – window visits and a few plexiglass-separated visits.)  She told me that she planned to see Mom in person at 5:45 and then attend her church choir practice (arriving late), so she would not check back in to me tonight.

This being the first time either of us has had actual time with our mother in a whole year, and also the first eyes on Mom after we moved her into her new place.

I said she could call me after choir practice.  She said “instead of me doing my homework?” (online school).  I offered “or you could just skip choir”. She said “that is something I need to do for me and also it is a time I get to see S******* (her 8-month-old granddaughter) after practice.”

What the fuck?  I was so sad and frustrated.  If Mom were down here, I would have full respect and reportability back to Sis.  But no.

However, Sis DID call me tonight.  And I did tell her some of these things. So we are good between us.  However, there is still one more big thing which would have made a better OD blog if I were writing it to my OD friends, but like I said, I am using this as an actual diary for things I need to tell my in-person friends eventually.

Start of the Open Diary Better Blog than all of this personal background:

My Dad’s best friend was Herb Cooper.  A very wonderful man. Loved by so many including Mom and me.  He passed away recently and Sis wanted to break this news to Mom gently.  Sis decided to use the hour of time she had with Mom alone in the car transporting Mom from the rehab center to Mom’s next living place in the full-care memory care place to “break” this to Mom so that she would not hear it from somewhere else.  Mom is past that possibility.  In fact, Sis told Mom and handed her a printed obituary which Mom read and forgot about and read and forgot about (getting sad each time) 3 times during that one car ride. I want to kill my Sis right now, but I will not.

Then, tonight, two days later, Sis has her visit with Mom, and Mom tells my sister that she has seen Herb Cooper there in her new home several times.  In the dining room, in the living room, etc.  Mom happily says to my sister “You were wrong, Herb has survived and he is still alive!”

Sis is completely oblivious to what I know is going on.  Herb is Mom’s angel-person who is coming to guide Mom up to heaven to be with Dad.  I know how weird this sounds, but I am sure that is what is going on, and many of us in the family have witnessed this kind of thing before.  I told my husband what Mom said and he looked at me and I said you know what that means and he agreed.  But I also think Herb, being as kind and sweet as he was here on earth and also being a person I had a relationship with, could have been “visiting” Mom to tell ME that this was going to be OK and that God has this and that Mom will be cared for, whether her final time on earth is now or not.  I know this sounds so weird, but from my point of view, I find comfort and feel love.