9/14/06

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so THIS is why I stopped writing?
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I’ve been sitting, looking at this blank screen for upwards of 30 minutes.  6 songs, that’s how I judge time nowadays… I assume each song is about 5 minutes (give or take). 
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I’m searching the innards of my brain, just looking for something to splurge… something to talk about… something to write. 
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I can’t articulate how I feel, because I don’t even know how I feel…
I can’t tell you about my day because I don’t even want to know how my day went, and I lived it…
I can’t tell you what new music is good because the most recent song I’ve been listning to is from last year, and not many people know that this one-hit-wonderful band just came out with a CD last year…
I can’t tell you about new movies I’ve seen, because all I watch is Labrynth and The Princess Bride…
I can’t retell an amusing anicdote because I don’t have any friends that things happen to… sans my roomate, and I haven’t hung out with her since friday… we both have weird schedules…
I can’t tell you why I picked the new name ‘think tank’ because it just came to me… it wasn’t an active process….
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or Won’t I?  I’ve been so far gone from this OD… I used to write about everything.  I don’t honestly know why I stopped.  I had a lot to deal with, and I didn’t feel like writing about it because I didn’t like thinking about it.  I didn’t like retelling the story to everyone who asked me  about him.  I talked about him too much, and all my friends don’t want to hear anything I say anymore.  My friends don’t call, if I can call them my friends.  I quit the place of buisness which housed my other friends… I’m 45 minutes away from my siblings and I don’t espically like talking about matters over a telephone with risks of breaking up and static and disconnections.  I don’t like non-physical interaction, which is interesting because I’m writing right now.  But this is different, because while I know you and you know me, I don’t know you and you don’t know me… all at the same time. 
But what am I really saying right now? does it even matter? 
What I feel: as much as I don’t want to, I miss him… and I miss her.  And I hate them both.  My apathy has worn down into a strong sense of hate for them… I can’t even call it him and her anymore, just them.  Not like I’ve seen or talked to them in the past 4 months…
Today was my third day at my new job.  Tips are nice, and the people are friendly.  I miss my old regulars.
Reel Big Fish’s new album from last year is a hoot.  Great songs, good covers of old songs. 
Rediscovering movies from my childhood is always fun… it’s interesting to think about how they affected me before, what parts I liked then, and how and what I like now.
Think Tank.  I think too much, and my mind is a tank, you can’t get in unless invited, and it will roll over yours if too weak.  Pretentious?
Maybe.
Care?
Not at all.