Sometimes I really hate my life and then

I remember I have you in it and it’s not so bad after all.

I know I’ve been really bad about updating, but gods it’s been so nice out and typically when I sit down at the computer lately it’s to rant about Red Wings and Zebras. Fuckin Zebras.

I don’t even know where to start. Things with Tosh and I are fine. We’ve been playing a lot of PS3 lately and not as many nature walks as before. Mostly because it’s been raining, a bit too chilly or way too windy to go and he’s picky about the weather for walking. Lol.

His boys will be here in just over a month. I’m nervous about meeting them. I know that they know about me and stuff, but I don’t know how they’re going to react to me. I’m hoping they’re like most little boys and just love me. I tend to pick up all kinds of little boyfriends everywhere I go. Lol. Hey Mel, remember “Benjamin, but you can call me Ben” from Lawson? Lmfao. He was too cute.

I’ve found out that my uncle thinks that it’s ok to go into my room, because it’s his house. My aunt gave me a couple boxes of girlscout cookies from last year and apparently he saw them in my room and wanted to know where I got money to buy them. My grandmother asked me where I got them and I told her, then I said something to my aunt about it. I figured she had said something to my gram about them and blah blah blah. No, the fucker goes into my room like I’m a child. I hate him more and more.

His retarded “son” (read, a kid that he raised for most of his life because he dated his also retarded mother), Cody has moved in with us. This kid never graduated from high school and even failed out of adult ed. His loser mom kicked him out when he turned 18 in January and he’s been here for almost 2 months. I may have mentioned him before I’m not sure. Anyway, this kid is nothing but trash. He’s a pot head with no job and no intentions of getting a job. He’s always asking Tosh to smoke with him and if he’ll sell him some. None of which has ever happened. But what happens is this kids aunt brings him over pot and valium at all hours of the nite and no one knows. He goes to the plasma bank twice a week so he can buy smokes and pot. He eats all of the food that I buy and then says “oh, sorry”. So the pot head gets stoned, gets the munchies and then eats a bag of fucking pizza rolls, that I asked him not to eat.

I used to feel bad for him, but now he just pisses me off. He has no respect for anyone or anything. It’s bullshit. Drunkin asked Tosh not to smoke in the house anymore, because he can’t get Cody to quit. Funny the alcoholic can’t keep the pot head sober. Fuckin imagine that!?

I need a goddamn job!

Tosh didn’t get the job at World Market and the YWCA keeps calling me, but it’s only part time and not even 9 an hour. It’s not worth my time. All it would do is get me out of the house for 4 hours a day and make me have to pay rent. I have to find something full time and decent paying so I can get the fuck out of here.

Last week Tosh got us a hotel room twice. Just so we could get away and relax. The first one was at Motel 6, I didn’t complain. It was nice for it to be just us. The second one he got us was the Jacuzzi suite at a Baymont. That was awesome. He didn’t tell me at first where we were going, but he was like “make sure you bring your bath junk, I know you like to take them”. He totally spent too much money, but it was so awesome.

He kept asking me if there was anything that I needed and I kept telling him no. He felt bad that he was spending all his tax money on himself in front of me. I told him it was his money and that I had nothing to do with it. And he did take us out to eat a few times. So, finally, I tell him “I need a new toy. You can buy me a new one.” We drove out to the Lion’s Den and I picked up the least expensive egg I could find and he was pissed when he found out it was only $10. we were on the highway and he was like “I had planned to spend so much more on you there, why didn’t you let me?” Well, because I’m just not like that. That’s why. He’s been really amazing lately, keeping me out of the house when things get rough around here. Just really being my rock.

The days that we aren’t together he leaves me offlines that say “Thinking Of You Baby” and texts that say “missing u. And of course I melt. The thinking of you ones always make me think of like Hallmark, but he’s not a card guy so I think that’s the closest I’ll ever get to that.

Oh, my uncle Chuck died. Before you send condolences, it’s ok. I’m not upset or sad or anything. He’s Ward’s brother and I haven’t seen him since my grandma died 10 years ago. Ok, so it’s sad because he used to be a really cool uncle, till he had a kid and got strange. My dad’s whole family got stupid with everyone in the family and shit got strange. Maybe someday I’ll write about it, but tonite is not the nite for that.

Drunkin and Cody are fighting and it’s just completely ridiculous. I’m so sick of this bullshit. The kid does whatever the fuck he wants and nothing happens but he gets drunk. Fuckin bullshit. I really don’t need their stress.

Oh yeah, I figured out how Rollie found out about Tosh, one of his gas station girlfriends told him. Whatev. Still haven’t gotten papers, but I’m sure he’s seen payday at least once since that convo. Fuckin loser.