Its all your fault, you called me beautiful .
You turned me out and now I cant turn back
Finally finished with my CNA stuff and just doing skills checks and finishing up the other hoops that I have jump through.
Went for my first skills check today and got there early, also forgot to bring a book. So Im sitting in the lobby waiting to get called back and I look up and to what my wondering eyes should bring?! My first true love.
It seems that if I talk about him enough he shows up. Last week I was talking about him to Sarah (one of my classmates) and out of no where there he is.
Ive not seen him in at least 7 years. Prolly more like 8, and that was brief. I had driven through his neighborhood, just for kicks and the fucker was out in the yard. Of course I had to stop and say hi. And as Im standing there talking to him, butterflies fighting to get out of my tummy, a girl comes out of the house. As it turns out, its his second wife. Bleh. I wasnt really crushed; I was just hoping that he was happy. Its kinda like the Milton thing, I dont want them back, I just want them to be happy with whomever they are with.
So anywhore, today I see him and as hes walking past me he looks at me and theres like no recognition. I say hi and he says hi and then I say how are you and he says good and asks how I am and I say Im doing ok. And thats it. He just keeps on walking, like Im a complete stranger. Ive known him for 19 years; Id find him in a crowd without trying. I know his voice in the dark, his smell in the wind.
Then my mind wonders off into lala land because I stayed up way too late on the phone with Husky, my rock, last nite. And here comes Jerry again, he slaps me on the arm and brings me out of my stupor. Lol. And when I jump he says jumpy much? We did the hug thing and idle chatter thing; he tells me that his dad, his sweet old dad, had a pacemaker put in last year and is doing ok now. Then he throws in that hes divorced again and I tell him that Im going through one of my own, but that I was smart and didnt have kids. Lol. He then throws in that hes got a new gf and that hes never going to get married again. I told him that I prolly wouldnt either. I gave him the campbells condensed soup version of what happened and he said like so many have that something was going on. I dont want to think about that.
I wanted to give him my number, tell him to call me. Just to catch up, but once he threw the gf into the convo I didnt think that would be a good idea. But he did make sure to tell me that he was living back with his parents and that she was staying with someone else. Not that Im reading anything into that, because it couldve just been him spewing info.
So many memories I have of him, 10 years of off and on dating does that to you. But when I hugged him, I didnt feel it. Of course I was jittery and jumpy, but I wasnt like I used to be when I was gaga for him.
I was pissed off at myself for not getting up earlier and putting make up on. Lol, I looked like a complete hag, but hes seen me look worse.
And Ive lost my wallet. Bleh.
ps- i found it 🙂
Weird, I feel like this is an entry I will be writing 10 years from now…
Warning Comment
Warning Comment
It’s funny how they hear you talking about them and search you out! I’ve had a few of the same incidences in my life time. I’m glad you wrote, I was wondering how you were doing! ps~ glad you found your wallet!
Warning Comment
I am on Facebook too! Melanie Miller, CT, look me up!!
Warning Comment