Chaos thy name is O

ugh

This week has been a rough one for me. Still no job prospects and that is really disheartening. I’m tired of looking, being rejected and not finding anything. I’m really tired of living in this environment. I’m not happy where I am. I feel like I’m living with an alcoholic parent and I have to make excuses for him, not really to anyone but just in general. I’m remembering why I stopped talking to my uncle for so long to begin with.

The family drama that went on was concerning my sister, Napoleon. She stopped over to see me and hang out for a bit. So it was her, her bf’s son JV, Tosh and I down here hanging out talking and junk. Everything was good. A couple of weeks before I’d finally gotten Napoleon to talk to Aunt Ren and they were getting along, I thought things were great. I was pulling my family back together. Well, Ren called and I told her that Napoleon was here and she should stop over seeing how she was so close. So she and my youngest cousin Elly showed up. Elly came down and hung out with us, while Ren and Drunkin talked. JV went upstairs to go to the bathroom or something and then all hell broke loose. Ren told Napoleon that Drunkin had given him some candy and Napoleon lost it. Freaked the fuck out, talking about “he didn’t eat lunch, he can’t have candy”. So then that brought Drunkin screaming at the top of his lungs about her being a fucking bitch for not letting the little boy have candy. *sigh* Then Ren started screaming and Napoleon was screaming and then Drunkin started pushing her and calling her names. It was all so fucking crazy. Napoleon believes that the only reason why Drunkin didn’t hit her is because Tosh was staring at him. It’s possible. What sucked the most is that JV had to hear the whole thing. He was so upset and it was just all completely ridiculous.

Needless to say, Ren and Napoleon are no longer on speaking terms and she’s not allowed here at the house unless Drunkin is home. whatev. It also pissed me off that I couldn’t do anything to defend my sister. I had almost the same fight with Drunkin a few years ago about my step kids. He’s a dick.

This week Drunkin was pissed off that Tosh has been here so much lately. He’s jealous of the time that I spend with him. It could’ve been a big huge fight, but I didn’t let it get that way. I just listened to him and didn’t argue. A lot of times it’s just easier that way. I made the mistake of telling Tosh a lot of what he had said, making Tosh pissed off at the way that he treats me. He also finds it “more than a little odd that an uncle would be jealous of his niece’s boyfriend”. I just find it annoying. Drunkin wants it to “go back to the way it was before I started hanging out with Tosh.”. Apparently I’ve become very distant from everyone since he’s come around. So, yeah I spent more time with him before Tosh, but shit. I hated life, I had no where to go, no one else to talk to. Of course I watched TV with him, I didn’t have one in my room. He can be butthurt all he wants, he’s fucking stupid. And he can’t say that we’re using more electricity than just me alone, all he can say is “everytime he flushes the toilet, it costs me money”. Are you fucking kidding me? Grow the fuck up.

In turn all of this caused the first “fight” yesterday. Drunkin asked if I would go pick up the rent from his tenants and he would buy me lunch. Not a big deal, I was like sure, I’ll go do it. Tosh was on his way over and we were going to go to the library, so I didn’t figure that it would be a big deal. Heh, I was fucking wrong. Tosh was furious that he asked me to do his errands and just flipped. He was yelling in the car and everything, so I asked him if he wanted me to take him back to his car. I was ready to tell him to just go home and I’d talk to him later. I was seriously pissed off and ready to cry. I had tears in my eyes. I didn’t feel like he was being fair. He said he wasn’t mad at me, that he couldn’t be. But it sure didn’t feel that way. He apologized and we talked about it. Things are fine, but he doesn’t really feel comfortable here. I can’t blame him. I don’t feel comfortable around here that much either.

I need a fucking job.

And where the hell did Buck’s diary go????