Dropping In

I’ve had NO inspiration lately to write fiction. I’ve been keeping a journal off and on for the past few months where my insanity has been making itself known to me. Perhaps once I join all the fragments of the essential me into a functioning human being, I’ll be able to write again. Maybe not. Who knows where their path of life will lead? Those of you who read Torin’s diary know that I’m facing old demons from my past and trying to defeat and destroy them before they do it to me. I am blessed with friends who are willing to be there for me while I wrestle with all this, and perhaps the day will come when I can be there for them in return. I hate the moments when my spirit listens to the voice of darkness and my life takes on the appearance of having no value to anyone, including myself. It’s a nasty place to be, but sometimes it’s so hard to get back into the light. That is my current struggle: to stay in the light, turn my back on the insidious and siren voices that would have me destroy myself and hurt those who care about me, and to become a whole person which I probably haven’t been since I was two years old. I THOUGHT I was whole, but the truth is coming out at last and I find myself sitting among the shards of the person I thought I was and wondering who I will be when the pieces are reforged and made whole.

“Renewed shall be blade that was broken”

I see brambles and thorns and a rocky path before me, with orchards and streams and grassy meadows on the far side. If I keep my eyes on the goal, perhaps I will make it through the painful parts. No one can walk this path with me, although there are intersections where I may meet those who will encourage me to continue, and paths that parallel mine whence voices can call out encouragement to me. I’ll reach the meadows and orchards, but I expect to be weary before I get there. The trick is not to lie down and rest before I reach safety. You know, it would be so much nicer to point to dead demons and say, “Look. I killed that.” than to show living ones, although showing them drags them into the light and robs them of much of their power. Perhaps one day, I’ll drag some of them out for you to help me slay. They’re not nice, but then again, demons never are.

Blessings, dear friends, and may you all walk in the Creator’s light.