I have a question for you guys. . .

I was thinking about this on the way home, and I thought it was kind of strange. I wrote a poem yesterday. Well, here it is:

Nothing to Repent

Hurry up and wait, dear ones.
Well, that’s the Army way.
But why do they rush solitude?
Why must you go away?

I have what is required of me:
Unwav’ring fortitude.
I have what most wish they could have:
Justified gratitude.

This task I meet, neither with glee,
Nor any malcontent,
While making sure my actions warrant
Nothing to repent.

No one said it would be easy;
They just said it would have worth.
Since I wait for only Love,
I’m glad I chose this first.

~(me)

26 March 2010

I rather like the poem, though, and am proud of it.

Okay, so my question to you guys is… is it strange to be proud of the fact that I’m faithful to my boyfriend? I found myself wondering if this was strange on the way home from the gym tonight. I mean, I’m *supposed* to be faithful, so… is it weird to be proud that I am?

I guess not every Army girlfriend or wife is faithful (all the ones I know are, but I have no illusions about the rate of infidelity in the military). I am one that is, though, and I never want Amir to doubt that or me. I wrote that poem down on a piece of paper last night and mailed it off to him this morning. I didn’t include anything in the envelope but the poem. I guess I just want him to know that he can count on me. Whenever I tell him that he always tells me "I never, ever have any doubts about you whatsoever. I know that you could never cheat on me." He’s right, I never could! I’m not really sure why I feel I have to make sure he knows that if he already *knows* that… do you get what I’m saying?

*sigh*

I think this is one of the most frustrating things about deployment. It comes with a lot of emotional conflicts that I have no way of expressing to anyone who doesn’t have a good sense of empathy or hasn’t actually been there. This is not to say that I don’t think that my friends on OD wouldn’t understand unless your significant other has been deployed; I just mean that my emotions are extremely confusing, so much so that even *I* don’t understand what I’m trying to say sometimes. It’s not the waiting that sucks, really. Don’t get me wrong, waiting DOES suck, but that’s not the worst part. The worst part is the emotional complexities and nuances that you just can’t put your finger on… and it changes day to day for me.

Ah, well, that’s it, I guess. After having "talked" this out, I see that the issue is just a little too complex for me right now. I’m going to try to get some rest. Good night, all.

LilyFae

March 26, 2010

hun people outside of the military are unfaithful too. People seem to give in whenever there is any temptation whatsoever. You should be proud that you are faithful to your guy. I know I am. My guy isn’t deployed but we have been living in different countries for our entire relationship. I really like your poem

CarriedMeAway

I agree with LilyFae. Infidelity is everywhere. And from my experience the soldiers cheat way more than the spouses, there’s just more of a buddy system with soldiers. Wives/girlfriends will rat one another out so fast but the guys help cover it up. That’s the only reason people think women do it more. But I think being faithful is definitely something to be proud of. Just like we’re supposed to wait for our soldiers until they come home but some people just can’t handle the life. So for me I am proud every time I make it to the end and am standing in the gym for homecoming. Even if it’s expected that something should be done, it still takes work and that is what is the thing to be proud of. We involuntarily breathe, so that’s not really a prideful feat. We have to work at being good people because temptation can be hard to overcome. So hold your head up high and be proud girl!!!

ur poem was way cute i liked it. i think u have every right to be proud becuz usually when someone is away from their significant other for so long, they feel its okay to mess around with another person. its hard being away from ur loved ones but at the same time being loyal and being able to deal with a year long deployment which in ur case 2, u can get thru anything.

ur a strong person!

*hugs* I love the poem. And yes, you SHOULD be proud for being faithful! Temptation isn’t an easy thing to resist.

daysdiva

March 29, 2010

Ryn: Thanks! I am trying to cut down on my sugar. I used to drink lots of soda. Now I drink my coffee in the morning and water for the rest of the day (with Crystal Light), Also I got some almond milk to try. I’m trying to limit my red meat and eat more veggies (if I have meat and 2 veggies for dinner, I eat more of the veggies to fill me up than the meat) working on portion control too. Trying

to do as much natural/organic foods as I can. I’m also (if it ever stops raining!) looking forward to getting up early and going for a walk each morning with the dogs. I got a harness for one since she pulls.a lot. I don’t want to be really skinny, I just want to be healthy. I don’t want to get out of breath so fast.

my boyfriend and I went for a walk this weekend (we spent the weekend in NH) and when we got back to the hotel I went for a swim and swam laps for half an hour and was pooped. According to my doctor I should be 110 lbs. I don’t think I ever weighed 110! Im starting with small goals (loose 10 lbs) they are more attainable than large ones

little miss napsütés

April 26, 2010

I don’t think it’s bad at all to be proud of your loyalty! You SHOULD be proud of that! Not enough people take faithfulness seriously. & while he’s gone (or even while he’s home), he shouldn’t have to spend energy worrying whether his gf is cheating on top of all the other stuff going on for him.

I take great pride in knowing that I’ve been tempted but I’ve never wandered. Nothing wrong with recognizing good qualities about yourself.