As Time Goes By

It is the time of year when all the Christmas movies are playing on TV. I always loved a good Christmas movie. There is always some sort of magic that takes place. People stop and find the true happiness within themselves–they find the miracles in everyday life. The holiday movies always seem to end with a smile. There always seems to be that one saying that a light bulb goes off and we go "yes" that is what it is all about.

The quote that stuck in my head this time was "Marriage is a gift you give to yourself" As I look back on my life and think of the relationships that I have been in they have been gifts. I didn’t think of them as gifts at the time. I was too focused on what was wrong in them. The pain they always ended in. As time went by I slowly closed myself off from ever wanting to be in a relationship again. To me they just weren’t worth it.

My youngest often tells me that I will never find someone because my standards are now too high for anyone to even reach. She may be right. I decided to settle for nothing less than what I want in my life. I guess you can say they need to fill out an application with a huge checklist. If one item is not checked then I am not even open to the option of a first date.

I recently just experienced this again in my life. This man has an 11 year old son. I love children..do not get me wrong. But I have done that, been there…and am not going back. I have raised my children on my own. I have raised men I dated children as well. I am at a place in my life that I do not want to raise another child again. This is my time in life to enjoy grandchildren, not go through the teenage years once again and all the drama associated with it.

I know this is ok for me to feel this way and there is nothing wrong with it. But when I heard that saying in this movie it made me realize just how closed off I am. I am no longer open to anyone. I guarantee I will find something wrong with them. Too short…too tall…too poor…too rich. I haven’t even looked to have someone in my life. My heart has become so closed off that no one is going to get through. I have delved into my job and my grandson. Maybe this is what happens in time. But I have to be willing to take a chance in life. I have to be willing to open up my heart just a little bit. Leave a little ray of sunshine in and maybe take a chance. By remaining closed off how can I ever give myself the gift of an open heart and feeling that passion and oneness that we all search for in life. Now the question is………am I willing to give myself this gift of sharing my life with someone else? This answer will come into fruition…. as time goes by.

You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is still (just) a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by

And when two lovers woo
They still say: I love you
On that you can rely
No matter what the future brings
As time goes by

Moonlight and love songs – never out of date
Hearts full of passion – jealousy and hate
Woman needs man – and man must have his mate
That no one can deny

It’s still the same old story
A fight for love and glory
A case of do or die
The world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by