Fresh Start…….

So I’ve decided to come on this site and begin to be able to express myself more and to open up and become vulnerable. This is something that I feel that I need to do in order to get better, See I suffer from the disease of addiction, and I’m trying once again not to continue this habit. I’ve decided to attend an outpatient program starting Monday and I’m scared because I haven’t been able to keep myself sober for longer than 4 months at a time. I guess you can say I have a fear of not only change but success. It’s easy for me to be able to be social with other addicts that have nothing going for themselves because hey how can they judge me when they are in the same or worst off than I might be? So I stay connected to these people out of fear of letting them go and trying to connect with people that I see who are “better off or living better” than I myself might be. I have to find the strength to move forward and not feel so inadequate to others and start feeling better and seeing myself in a better light cause at one point they were just like me at the start of their journey. Working on my self-esteem is gonna be a huge help in me feeling more connected with people cause when I love myself I can allow others to love me back without pushing them away before they get the chance to. I do want to become the person that I know I can be and I can’t wait to be able to live life on life terms and find the motivation I need to succeed. Anyways Monday is the fresh start I’ve been needing and Ill keep you posted on this journey.