passing thoughts on war.

“Lovelorn Soldier’s Lament”

It’s a shame it never was to be,

For to me she was essential purity.

I could have lived a lifetime in her eyes,

Were it not for the sirens that filled our skies.

We were close; we were a world apart.

I’ll never find the pieces of my broken heart.

Two countries hatred fuled by greed.

Two persons’ love destroyed without need.

-by Scott (thescience)

what are you gonna study in university? you should definately do english or something like that. but then again i dunno.

extended metaphor. oh, and are you for serious? 95%???

Again, very nice, but you can get a more even meter by a few slight changes – expanding “It’s” to “It is” in line 1, and changing line 4 to “But for the sirens filling all our skies”… there’s a few other things you can do along the same lines to tighten it up. I like your poetry a great deal. Nobody seems to even attempt rhyme any more – they all seem to do very undisciplined free verse.

April 11, 2018

Heart in the right place, but pretty awkward.