befuddlement; astonishment.

It’s been a while since we’ve last spoken, and the time since then has been, well, interesting. Things have happened. Many things. My previous decided confusion has turned into a greater undecided confusion. What I mean is, the circumstances in which to be confused are greater…but I’m not sure if I’m actually confused. Astonished is probably a more suitable word for it, although not perfect. I seem to be swirling around in a void between familiar emotions – being pulled in a few directions, but not going anywhere. I don’t expect you to understand what I write, perhaps that’s why I am writing it in the first place. To explain would be labourious, useless and possibly even detrimental to my situation. Suffice it to say that I have been receiving surprising signs from surprising parties a lot lately. That’s something that doesn’t happen to me very frequently. It never warms, but it burns, I suppose. I’m thrilled, I really am. It’s almost like television.