aftermath.

Well, maybe we should have waited until we hated each other to break up. At least then we’d know where we stand. It feels really awful now that we have to supplant the feeling that we’ve broken up, and therefore things should be awkward.

She seemed angry tonight. Maybe I didn’t ask the question right. I know she agreed that we’d hang out over the break, and I’m thankful for that. It’s not that she won’t see me, but it’s the way we talk about it now. I thought maybe we’d be excited to see each other after so long, regardless of the fact that we broke up. We’re supposed to still be friends, that’s why it was so great to break up, not out of incompatibility, but out of an inability to be together. And it’s not like I’m holding on for the chance that we can be together again, because I know that’s remote, but I thought we did this because it was going to make things better for us. I know she has friends that she needs to see more than she needs to see me, but I thought somewhere in there, I would deserve a place. It doesn’t seem like she’s agreeing to hang out now because she wants to, but because she’s feeling obligated to. If that’s the case, I’d rather we not.

I don’t know what I’m to do. Should I cut her loose completely? Personally, I’d hate to do that. She made this summer special, and I don’t want her out of my life completely, but right now it seems like that’s what she wants. I also don’t want to try to hang onto her when she seems reluctant to do so, cause that leaves me no better off.

I don’t want to say that this summer was a mistake, because I honestly don’t feel that way, but right now our relationship seems trivial.