12/31/07

#1: I got fired, and I’ll tell you why. Driving late at night after a joint, it made sense to me why it happened. And I knew it would make sense to my mom and brother when I woke up the next morning and it still seemed like a good excuse. Money. I couldn’t afford to have half my hours cut for classes at a school 30 miles away. An 86 Lincoln is certainly not fuel efficient, and I didn’t plan on quitting smoking. Soon I was missing more and more, and it fucking put me down. I let work decline as a result. I refused to follow whatever new policy they were throwing at me. The monkey on my back school turned into left me in a steady apathy. My boss probably put up with me longer than he had to. It was about less than a week before Christmas when he called me at home and said I shouldn’t come in on Thursday. I came in the following Monday to pick up my last paycheck, give a final handshake and a request for a reference. I felt sore he had to fire me over the phone, but losing my job didn’t bother me so much as the job did while I still had it.

#2: I’m working full-time. Or at least that’s what I’m praying can happen. First I have to hear from Moorhead and see if I can re-apply in the fall as soon as the offices open. If I can, I’ll stay in the Cities and work as much as I possibly can. Doesn’t matter what I do really, as long as it’s something that can keep me moving. Not standing behind a counter all goddam day. And I’ll tell them I won’t be in school, I’ll be living close, no distractions, I can dedicate 100% of myself to this, so I can prove to you and my family that I am self-sufficient and responsible and prove to me that mary jane isn’t making a bum out of me.

#3: Sometimes I think about how much I hate it here, but then I remember what I heard from the back seat: “The city doesn’t change, only you do.”

Not really sure what else to say, it seems to get only harder to do this.