ew.

School again is becoming a more solid want. Before it was just consideration, now it’s serious consideration and actually looking into things. THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!!! haha. Anyway. I think I may go to Empire Beauty School. Cosmetology was my second choice and I’m having trouble finding a good, stay job in massage, so why not learn another trade? Also, if I have both I’ll be a jack of all trades of sorts. I’d be able to work in a spa or fancy salon environment because I could do both things. At least this is what I’m hoping for.

I’m wondering if I just want to go to school again because I’m feeling like I’m not going anywhere. Stagnant I guess. This is how I felt before I went to Allied, too. But will it help or will it just be another pleasant distraction from how much things suck?

I don’t know what I want anymore.

Ernie’s phone has been disconnected since last thursday. I miss him. And I miss cuddles. And sex. I saw his room mate at Giant two nights ago, but we didn’t really talk about Ernie because he was busy talking to his friend and he was having trouble with his food stamp card.

My sister’s friend came by the house today and brought her new boyfriend. He went to school with Greg, haha ew. He seems much nicer than the girls old boyfriend though, so that’s nice. I did her hair and makeup for her. It was fun.

Every time the van makes a funny noise I get scared. I know I’m just paranoid, but it’s hard to stop, haha. I’ve broken down in the middle of a main road before and it was scary. I love my van and I don’t want it to die on me.

I just want to be happy. Why does that seem to be so hard for me?