You are not who I thought you’d be…

You are not who I thought you would be.
I have been expecting you for a while.
Sometimes I doubted you’d come along at all.

A few years ago I cried myself stupid over someone who is now only fondly remembered as ‘Bastard’. Sometimes I even forget he has a real name. My way of turning him into a cipher, a symbol, not a person. In the dark, damp-pillowed days after he decided that I wasn’t her, I told myself firmly that one day I would meet someone who was like all of the good bits of Bastard, but with none of the angst. And, I told myself determinedly, how brilliant would that be? How amazing? To find someone so fantastic who didn’t make me cry? For all my unhappiness, I was sure it would happen.

It was not love at first sight. At the very best, a sort of fancy at first sight. Rather less highbrow. Rather less like a scene from a novel. ‘He looks quite nice’ I thought to myself. My knees didn’t tremble. My world didn’t change. But I noticed you, nonetheless.

And when we got together, I told you firmly that we were not ‘going out’.
“Not yet!” I said, briskly, “Not after a week and a half! I’m not your girlfriend! That would be ridiculous!” and you nodded, sadly, and plotted deviously to change my mind.

When I met your parents, I thought we would have to split up. Best not to dwell on that one. Suffice to say it’s all much better now.

We disagree on everything.

We are both too messy. Surely I can’t stay with someone as messy as me? – we’ll drown under the detritus…

You are not who I thought you would be. But I have been waiting for you. And I’m so very glad you’re here.

.

.

Jack proposed on Friday night and I accepted. We’re getting married in Summer 2004 and I am quite possibly the happiest person on the planet. None of you have met me, but if you walk past me on the street you’ll know who I am: the one with the grin so huge the two sides meet on the back of my head

with love,
therumtumtugger
xxx