Beatific
Funny how normally I want to be so manic, and yet since becoming pregnant I find myself wanting to be peaceful so much. (Funny also how I find myself questioning the first part of that sentence: do I really want to be manic all the time? Do I actually enjoy it? Or am I just scared of feeling bad when I sit still for a while? All part of my general ‘achievement-itis’, I’m sure. )
Either way, since I have been able to feel the baby kicking about really very perceptibly, I have been struck by a strong feeling that it’s wrong for me to get on and do other things while he’s kicking. In fact, when he’s moving about, all I really want to do is to lie in bed, or on the sofa, with my hands around my bump, either feeling him kick, or watching my stomach move. It feels very wrong: part irreverent, part unhealthy, to be even contemplating doing anything else. All I want to do is just to sit and kind of commune. I don’t want to do anything else. I just want to sit and be.
So that’s what I did today. Jack and I went out into our local shopping centre, and bought some baby clothes. But apart from that, I just sat around all day and ate food, and contemplated my bump. And when the baby kicked, I rolled up my top and stared happily at my stomach. Sometimes for what felt like hours. And when I saw my stomach move, I told Jack.
It’s also very odd that I spend so much of my time pushing myself to do things, or to move on through things, and it’s only since being pregnant that I’ve been confident enough to actually do what everyone tells you to do and ‘listen to my body’. Today, with no particular medical reason other than total-shattered-ness and stretched-bump-i-ness, I decided that it was best for me to have a chilled out day and not to try to achieve anything. Normally, on the first day of a four day weekend, I would have been writing to do lists and driving myself insane.
But no. I sat instead. I wish I could say I sat and thought. It’s just not true. I sat and just was. I sat and was pregnant.
And it was great.
with love,
therumtumtugger
(more than a little scared that pregnancy hormones may well be rotting her brain….)
xxx
aww! this made me happy to read 🙂 i’m very that glad you’re enjoying your pregnancy – before you know it, the baby will be here and then you won’t have a moment’s rest! 😉
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Oh Rumtum, just go with the flow of babybrain and enjoy this feeling of peace. And trust other women with children who tell you that eventually your brain return…. Im not sure when extactly…. but they say it really does return!
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oh yes, you’d be amazed at what all those pregnancy hormones can do! 😉
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Haha, I think lying around being pregnant is QUITE enough most days 🙂 I saw a tshirt the other day that said, “I’m pregnant, I’m up and dressed, what more do you want?!” I too have slowed down and tried to learn to forgive myself for the fact that my house is unvaccummed and the laundry undone, just because all I want to do is lie around and feel him moving.
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I heard a funny name for “pregnany brain” the other day too – “momnesia” 🙂 RYN: That is TOO creepy – one day apart?! We have to exchange emails or something so as we get closer we can stalk each other. “Are you still there? Yes, are you? Aaaargh” etc 🙂
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I spent a lot of time communing with my bump too!
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Well being pregnant isn’t something that happens to a person often, so I reckon you are entirely entitled to spending as much time communing with your bump as you like!
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Enjoy the peace, it will be shattered soon enough. Oh, and the babybrain won’t return. Well, it might one day, but I’m still waiting, 18 months on.
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RTT! RTT! We’re in the third trimester! WHERE DID IT GO?! Where?!?! heatherjcs at yahoo dot com anytime you’d like 🙂 xoxo
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Hope you are well 🙂
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Dear me, you should be holding that little one by now, eh?? Where areeeee you?!?! Suffering from NewMum brain, now? *hug* Hope things are well….
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RTT!!! I know, it has been forever, but you’re pregnant! WOW! How wonderful for you!! Congratulations!!! I hope you enjoy every minute of it, I’m sure you’re a beautiful mom-to-be. 🙂
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isnt the due date around now…. arent you getting ready to become Mum to a real life sprog? Where are you and are things going OK? Hope to hear good news soon…. thinking of you
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OMG. RTT. My baby came on June 12th and he is the most amazing little thing. How are you? Are you still pregnant or are you a mommy now too? I hope you’re well. xoxo
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Any news? Hope all is good.
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*wee little wave*
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