7/8/08

My Family!

I was talking to my friend Marie today. I LOVE Marie. She is one of the most fantastic people I have ever known. I met her 9 years ago, at an anniversary party for one of my co-workers. She was my co-worker/friend Paul’s girlfriend at the time. That was back when I was good close friends with some of my co-workers. When we all used to hang out after work, and life was just easier and more fun back then. Work was not a hostile environment then, and we all had a blast. It was exciting coming to work, because you got to see your friends, and work was just a side effect. It also helped that I loved my job, then. So I met Marie at this party, and we hit it off immediately. We laughed, and joked, and ended up forging a solid fantastic friendship. We all talked in e-mail while at work ALL day long. We talked about things that mattered in her life, my life, we talked about love, sex, relationships. A few years ago, she got married. I of course, attended her wedding. We used to hang out ALL the time. She lived right down the street from work. I was friends with her various boyfriends.(Paul, my co-worker, Stalker Jim…yeah thats how I met him…., and finally Scott. She met him on match.com) Scott and she were an instant connection. He’s a great guy, they were both ready for a family…(she was more than ready…have I mentioned she was quite a bit older than me???) They ended up getting married, and moving to bolingbrook il….I have only seen her a few times since she moved, since driving that far….well it bothers me. I will do it when I have to, but I have to seriously psyche myself up for it. I went for her daughters 1st birthday…that was the last time we saw one another. I went for her wedding…and I went twice before they got married….
 
So anyway…she sent me a message this morning…."Where is my letter" That is our running joke, because we’re supposed to be corresponding via snail mail…..and I am so bad at getting started. I always fail. So I said…."Your letter is in the mail….a week from now" lol So she comes back with…."I just really miss you".
 
GAH!!! My heart just broke. My friends….my former super super close friends…..they really love me. When I think about the quality of friendships I used to have, compared to what I have no, it makes me sick thinking about it. What happened to those close friendships? What happened to having people in your life you could literally share anything and everything with? What happened to people who know you as well as you know yourself? Why is that intimacy lost from all my relationships and friendships now? Why does everything have to be so damn superficial? Why tiptoe around each other? Why hold each other at arms length? Its like that with everyone anymore. And new friendships….they aren’t the same. I used to be sooo open….so frank. You could tell I was much happier and less stressed in my life back then. I used to laugh, and joke, and actually have a personality and be funny. We used to pick up and do roadtrips, we would holiday shop together, we would get together and clean house together, we would pack up for the weekend, and go stay with Jason, in Lake in the hills. I miss her, yes…but I miss those types of friendship. Those are the friendships of the movies, and I have had that. After having close relationships like that, its so hard to go back to the superficial. But I am trying. I want that closeness again. I want to be the person I used to be, before stress and illness got to me. I want to be able to be relied upon, and to be able to rely on others…..that give and take..
 
So yes, thank you Marie. Thank you for loving me enough to miss me, and thanks for reminding me whats missing in my life.
 
Thats all for now!! More later!!!

Kristin