le groupe.

the band.
where do i even start on this one?

i love my band. i truly do. looking back on the days where it was just me trying to figure out how i could even make a dent in the world, musically, i don’t know how i kept up my optimism. being in a band is an incredible thing. on the days when everything is clicking, and the songs sound awesome, and everyone is happy to be playing music…it’s truly bliss for me. conversely, the times when nothing is working, and it’s sloppy, and we have other things on our minds…nothing feels worse. it’s a double-edged blade, but all things taken into account, i’m brilliantly happy to have both of them.

performing music is an interesting experience for me. i tend to be a little bit shy by nature, so it almost goes against my grain to climb up on a stage and sing for people. i don’t look at the audience. i can’t – it’s almost literally impossible for me to do. i stare at my microphone, or i pick a place in the back of the room where nobody is for me to look at. only recently have i been able to overcome my fear of moving around onstage. however, the awkwardness of being in front of a group of humans while perfoming music is worth it for me if only because songs sound a thousand times better in front of a crowd than on a CD or in a practice space. whenever we play i think “i can’t believe these songs are sounding this good”. something about the level of energy transmitted by the triumvirate of music, performers, and audience is an amazing thing. afterwards, when it is all said and done and i’m shaking from adrenaline, my stomach is sick from residual nervousness, and my hair is damp from sweat, i try as best as i can to slink away and be out of sight for a little while. i do it because i feel like i need to let myself get back down to normal levels of operation before i can really talk to anyone.

another reason i love being in a band is because it is something for which you can clearly chart progress. when i look back on the first show we played (which seemed amazing at the time), i wonder how we ever took ourselves seriously. i know the last show that we played was the best we’ve ever done. and i know that the next one we play will be better. you’re always getting better when you’re a young band (and mine is still relatively young, with the two year anniversary of the our formation coming up in a week or so), and it’s a thrilling experience to be having. an ongoing quest for that best ever show. the best song, etc, etc.

if i were given the choice between a free university education and a guaranteed job with a good salary, or making enough money off the band to get by (pay rent, buy food, etc, etc), i would not have to think for half a second about which one to take.

i heart music.

-jav