did she wake you up to tell you that

driving home, listening to a CD of old songs i wrote/recorded when i was 18 years old.
i did all the vocals, guitars, and keyboards, and used a drum program.
there were about five songs on there that were really quite good. good enough to qualify in my all time top ten best-ever songs written by me.
it didn’t sound like it was me. like it was some other person from somewhere far away.

i thought:
"man, this kid is really good. he could do something maybe"
then realized that he was sitting in a car at 1:45 am driving home so he can get to bed for his day job.

things didn’t happen for the boy….at least not as quickly as he would’ve liked. since i knew he was wishing for them to happen to him quickly. so he could get the hell out of his world. 
and it’s my fault.
weird, huh?

i got to wondering if he’d be proud of who he turned into. if he’d be able to hold his head high. the answer is probably no. he’s turned into everything he didn’t want to.

and i drove home listening to his dying breaths. the voice of someone who hadn’t been exposed to the world outside of his head, who had a fire in him somewhere. who missed his girlfriend and wanted to prove himself to the world because he thought no one knew his talent.

and now he’s not even sure he has any.

fuck.
FUCK.

-jav