7 years asleep

So many things (yet none at all) have happened since OD closed… maybe it was a sign that I needed to move on from the loss of Mom. It felt more like a frozen hiatus in my life, & now, with OD back, it’s like a piece of her returned. THANKS, @thediarymaster; you really don’t know what you’re doing for me. This was my link to her after she died – it was my only means of “exchanging words” w/her.  As for the things that changed in my life, they’ll surface when they feel like doing so.

Modern day finds me w/a relatively new job & a bullying, incredibly abusive suervisor. It’s escalated to where I placed a complaint w/HR (& soon learned they’re not there for you, but for the employer), & ended up being written up in retaliation (of course, she denies that, & instead fabricated a host of “poor performance” instances that have everything to do w/her unhappiness due to her perfectionism & micromanagement. She is a vile person who believes she’s better than others, & that her skills are superior to anyone’s. She demeans others (particularly me) & belittles their skills (she’s said, “a monkey can do that”). I’m constantly berated aloud, in public, despite my asking to receive criticism in private. I wake up each day w/a pit in my stomach about going to work. I’ve been violently sick (diarrhea, vomiting, fatigue, etc.) since this started, extremely stressed, so, when someone suggested I use the free counseling sessions the company offers, I searched for Bob (well, I searched for Bob’s characteristics in a therapist and found Bob).

Friday 10/25 was my first therapy day. I was weary, as a past attempt left me w/a bad taste in my mouth. Hence my looking for a Latino therapist (so I’d have a better connection). Worth the wait. Bob seems to be on my side, even when hitting me w/uncomfortable truths (“you’re negative, have a ‘but’ for everything, are sad, hopeless. You must become positive. I believe I CAN make you become”). He came up w/a solution to my supervisor’s abuse (which I’ll implement immediately). He listened to me w/o breaking eye contact, & wrote on his striped paper pad only *twice*. What really touched me were his words as I was leaving. He noted I need to get my hope back, made a little bowl with his hands, & said, “DON’T WORRY; I’LL CARRY YOUR HOPE FOR YOU AND WILL HAND IT TO YOU WHEN YOU CAN CARRY IT”.

I have no words. It was like a drink of fresh water.