Rites of Passage

My package came in from the Church of Dudeism today.  Now I feel all official! 

Of course, as far as Minnie and I could turn up in our research, it isn’t necessary in the state of Mississippi to file credentials in order to officiate a marriage.  I’d be a bit wary, and would like to talk to somebody who knows for sure before I ruin somebody’s life (like my own by commiting fraud).  But still, it’s neat to have the nice certificate and letter of good standing.  So I guess now if anybody in the MS area would like a fun, quick wedding without all the pretentious garbage and, dare I say, without anybody’s gods breathing down our necks, look me up.  Now, it’s technically against my ethos to charge for my services, but I gotta feed the monkey, so I think that’s something we can um… huh.  Lost my train of thought.  Anyway, if that’s, you know, the sort of thing that interests you, look me up, dude. (And yes, in the parlance of our times, the word "dude" refers to either gender.  Dudette is just too complicated, man.)

Ahem, so anyway, inspired by His Dudeness, I deem it necessary to have the sacrificial beverage (the White Russian) available to me for any such ceremonies I may perform.  However, in keeping with my straight-edge lifestyle (and at risk of being sacreligious), I’d rather keep the Caucasians "virgin."  So earlier tonight I set out in search of an alternative, and I found more than one.  Actually, the day after my ordination (a taxing ceremony in itself– I had to enter my name and the date in to their respective fields on the website and click a "send" button of some sort) I was wondering if there was some sort of coffee-flavored syrup, you know, like Nesquick only coffeerific.  Minnie suggested checking to see if there was such a product made by Da Vinci’s, which makes tons of awesome flavored syrups for making things like Italian sodas, flavored coffee, and milkshakes.  I finally got around to checking that today, and sure enough, they make exactly that– a coffee-flavored syrup.  Then, in the "related items" field, I noticed something even better– Kahlua-flavored syrup!!  Well if that isn’t just perfect.  Stuff’s about $8 a bottle, and I could probably avoid shipping by buying it at the local coffee shop, assuming they have it along with the more common raspberry- and vanilla-flavored stuff.  That got me wondering, "Just how much does a bottle of actual Kahlua cost?"  A little research revealed it to be between $20 and $30 for a comparable fluid ounce measurment, but before I found that I found something else– a recipe for making something very similar to Kahlua at home!  All it requires is a big pot of strong coffee, 2 pounds of light brown sugar (hey, it’s not like I’ll be drinking the stuff straight-up), and some vanilla.  Bring the coffee to a boil, stir in the brown sugar gradually, then bring back to a boil.  Remove it from the heat, allow to cool to room temperature (goes much faster in a sinkful of ice water), add the vanilla (which I realize contains a negligible amount of alcohol, but it’s in damn near any confectionary product anyway), and bottle it up.  Voila– I call it Lahkua.  Or I would if I thought it necessary to name it.  Pretty damn tasty, like Frappucino when you put it over ice and add some milk.  Which, I’ve been told, is very much like a White Russian if it contained no booze.

Oh, by the way, we actually made two batches of the stuff.  The recipe suggests that a chocolate-flavored coffee would be best, so we did one with regular coffee, then, since we didn’t have any fucking chocolate-flavored coffee, we mixed a little cocoa powder in with the brown sugar before desolving in the hot coffee.  I like them both, but the chocolate one’s straight-up awesome. 

I often wonder if I carry on too much about stuff I’m excited about.  Minnie seems to think so.  I can tell when she wants me to shut up.  She’s not necessarily annoyed at me about it, but I get the feeling it could go that way.  Luckily she has a remedy for that situation.  Before it gets to the point where I’m pissing her off, she plants one on me to shut me up.  Works for me.

I also wonder if I use too many colons, hyphens, and parentheses in my entries, or if some of my paragraphs are too long-winded.