Devil in Jersey City

I’m not sure why, but I love watching the show MonsterQuest on Histroy Channel.  I shouldn’t enjoy it at all– I’m a skeptic from way back.  Maybe I enjoy scoffing at people who are so sure a picture of a dead racoon is a monster, or maybe I like being teased by every episode that there will be some sort of proof before the credits roll.  There never is, of course, with the rare exception of the episodes where they’re searching for something that does exist, like giant squid.  Those episodes are retarded too, because they spend an hour setting up ludicrous camera traps (cameras that activate when large-enough wildlife passes near) and interviewing "experts," but then instead of trying to prove they existence of them, it’s more like they’re doing their level best to make sure it stays a mystery at the end.  But seriously, giant squid?  WE HAVE BODIES!  We know they’re real!  Dead squid measuring no less than 50 feet from tentacle to… whatever the other end of a squid is.  No mystery there.

Mostly though, the show is concerned with things like the Jersey Devil and El Chupacabra, which make me laugh at their ridiculousness, especially when their believers produce footage that only makes their "monster" look less like one.  There was recently a lengthy, non-blurry video of "El Chupacabra," which supposedly shows the creature scampering down the road in broad daylight.  From the video, it’s obvious the creature is running from the camera, which is probably in a vehicle of some sort.  It’s also obvious that "El Chupacabra" is a dog!  The video is, in fact, so good, that there’s no mistaking the creature’s identity.  There’s even a picture of a dead "Chupacabra" that is unmistakably canine.  They look a tad strange owing to being mostly hairless due to some sort of mange, but that’s common enough, especially among domestic dogs that have gone feral.  And don’t get me started on the Jersey Devil… stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.  A creature the size of a deer with bat wings, horns, and hooves?  Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh.  Bigfoot/Yeti/Sasquatch?  Nope.  Loch Ness Monster/Lake Champlain Monster?  No way.  And I’ve remembered something that tops the Jersey Devil as officially the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.  Rods. 

Ever heard of these things, or more specifically, the idiots that claim they exist?  Basically if they were real, they’d be long, thin objects with anywhere from 6 to 10 pairs of wings.  Oh yeah, and they have one big difference with most other cryptozoological critters.  Rather than existing in the minds of hundreds of terrified eyewitnesses and thousands of believers armed with a few short seconds of blurry footage, these seem to exist exclusively in footage, with no eyewitnesses.  Why?  Believers will tell you that its because they are flitting in and out of our plane of reality, invisible to the naked eye, but somehow totally visible to man-made cameras.  In fact, most of the "footage" of these "creatures" is actually footage of anything else– base jumping, weddings, cave exploration, what-have-you, with the "rods" unabashedly video-bombing the intended subjects with their invisible presence.  Believers are quick to point out the lack of reaction by the people in these videos as proof that the rods don’t technically exist in our dimension.  However, anybody with half a brain knows that if something (like a bug or bird) flies through a frame of video, the camera can’t capture its speed and will show it as a blur.  In the case of especially speedy objects, the blur elongates and sort of doubles itself, causing it to look like a multiple-winged creature. "Ah," say the believers, "but the how do you explain the presence of bugs and rods in the same videos?"  Simple.  Some of them were far enough away to stay in focus, flying around within the frame rather than quickly through it.  That’s a rare episode of MonsterQuest, or rather, a rare exception to the norm– they seem to be trying just as hard to disprove the creature as keep the mystery alive. 

Next time you feel like having a laugh, go to youtube and do a search for "flying rods."  Hilarious.