yesterday at a glance.

soundtrack for 4-16, "Take Me Anywhere" by Tegan and Sara

it is rare that i can’t find the words to describe the way my brain is working. 
even if it’s cliche, or been said before – something usually suffices, satiates, and resolves these constantly revolving feelings. 

i am currently out of control. 
and not in any negative way. it’s the uncertainty of life, the adrenaline associated with hummingbird heartbeats, the inevitability of affections growing, and an uncertain future – this is my uncontrolled experiment. 
"i don’t believe in anything. I do believe in hearts." – jack kerouac. 

i’m welcoming this shift in the earths plates. i’m welcoming resting here on this continent for a while. 
i feel like stopping for a while is one of the only things to do right now. 
i need to breathe. 
i need to enjoy my first summer in my hometown in years. i’m sure i’ll mourn the lack of mountains, pure hearts, children’s voices, games of "mafia," and endless choruses of "the moose song." 
but this is where i need to be right now. here. in the ohio spring time. falling once again. where i thought i never would again. 

i was so sure that i was ready to run away mere weeks after graduation. 
searching for something, running to something – that is a fabrication. a manifestation of the opposite of all traits that were associated with past broken hearts.
and i did learn that i should stick to what i know. to someone like me. 
stick to laughter, duets with the body in the passenger seat, sharing real art, real moments, and real feelings. 
i learned from the dereliction of a bond. i watched it crumble and let assumptions, pressures, stresses, and frustration take over. 
and we now know that there is something to be said for two lives growing up parallel to each other, yet never touching. 

i see so much more than similar interests. so much more than musical preferences, a weak spot for nerdy movies, love of a good beer or a good book….
there’s a perfect harmony of the senses. it’s the only way to describe it. 
there’s something about the chemistry of the human body. something about your taste even. 
i don’t want science to explain this one to me. 

i can feel that so many of the thoughts i’ve had, even fleeting, were in your head as well.