night sounds

Another long lapse.
My fingers actually just paused on the keys for nearly two minutes. I’ve never hesitated to start writing.
I’ve flowed. emotions and ideas.
this stagnant corporate life has clotted creativity, I guess.

it’s days of writing "in response to your inquiry…"
and how mind-numbing, and soul-sucking…
i don’t hate my job.
we all can’t be paid for our creativity. I’m sure very few people wake up with a start EVERY day and think "Yippie, i’m so very excited to be going to work."
very few.

i am, however, waiting to finally say "yes."
it’s a feeling of security and love that i have been, not so patiently, waiting for.
he has decided to ask. he has actually taken my parents’ old wedding ring that i’ve worn for the past 10 years. in it’s place will be something of our own, not reflective of the old  traditions of diamonds and gold.
a gemstone. a meaningful promise in metal. in color. our love in color. in reality.
i am extremely happy in this life. in waking up and falling asleep next to.
i didn’t think i would.
doubt lingers, of course. and memories of acoustic guitars linger. it seems like a lifetime ago. my memories are scenes from some dark drama, where love’s turmoil never ends.
but it was real. the past was real. nights spend in loft beds and waking up to chords being strummed.
i don’t miss much about the altercations. the screaming that, of course, everyone heard.

it is now, quiet. eerily so.
it is now, full of my own thoughts, echoing over and over.

i am happy though.
with a small family unit. furry little baby.
the dog was actually very sick today – had to take him to the vet. four prescriptions later. oh boy.
the worries we adults have.

i am positive that staying here was the right choice. it’s all about love.
i have felt incredibly out of place lately though. with bills. and work. and insurance. vet visits.
i think we need to get away and play. not be a couple in out 50’s and go be in our 20’s some more.
i think that will cure all the little worries in this over active brain of mine.