Forward Motion and Standing Still

I wonder if I’ll always struggle in adulthood.  
Are dreams always doomed to be dashed? Drowned?
I see myself being capable of great things, but I can’t just wait for some rich benefactor to come along.

That’s not the way life works.
So. We toil away in office jobs when we could be making a difference.
But we have school loans. And rent. And miscellaneous debt floating around.
And this is the mire that is adulthood? Are we forever-stuck?

How does one facilitate dreaming?
We don’t want children (at least not for a long time – and when we do, it’s adoption all the way). We don’t want much at all.
We want a house. We want a space of our own. We want to work from home and create. And plant a garden. And contribute to our community.
How on earth do you do that?

I want to write.
I’ve been thinking of blogging the search for memories of my father. But who would read?
Is that even the point anymore?
In this age of viral marketing, social media… what is real anymore? What is sincere? Or are we all trying to better ourselves and forward our own ideals.

I don’t hate my job.
However I could be so much more fulfilled. How often do you hear your employees begging for more responsibility.
I’ve asked.
I’ve asked again.
I’ve said with complete confidence that I could do it. I’ve laid out ideas. I’ve given growth strategies.
I think they think I’m too young. Too prone to laziness as seen by my generation?
I want to work hard. But I can’t just make up things to do – no one notices when I do anyway.

How do we make ourselves happy in a world that rewards complacency, falling in line, lack of creativity, “loyalty”, obedience?
I need more.

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I wonder if I’ll always struggle in adulthood.  
Are dreams always doomed to be dashed? Drowned?
I see myself being capable of great things, but I can’t just wait for some rich benefactor to come along and say, “Sure Meghan, I’d LOVE to finance that vintage shop, ideas for a geriatric art program,

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