Trying to catch up

Wow. It’s been…a while. I don’t even know where to start. This diary shut down, and I was so happy to see I could have it restored.

Let me start my saying, I married Joe. I took his last name. We had wonderful times. He was my rock, my everything. Our wedding day was one to remember. It was a barn wedding. (I guess that’s the in thing nowadays.)  I speak of this in past tense because he left me. Abandoned me for a cult he met down south, but i’ll come back to that later.

After his dad passed away, we moved in with his mother to help her while she tried to take care of everything. It was rough. She has to go through probate, and just a bunch of other crap. We ended up moving into one of the properties. Just a trailer, but we were able to make it our own with the help of my mother in law. We renovated the whole thing. I still live here, just without him.

I’m trying to make this long story short, as I wasn’t able to write in this thing for almost 5 years. Joe and I were happy….for the most part.  We had our troubles, but doesn’t every marriage? We never fought about anything, but I would have to say looking back, I considered him more of my best friend than anything. We didn’t have sex much. We just weren’t very compatible in that sense. It took a toll on our marriage. I had gained a lot of weight and never felt very sexy anyways. I still loved him, and I know he loved me, but I also know he wasn’t happy. He would never say it, but I could tell. We rushed into our relationship. We got married within the first year we met. Never a good idea I suppose.

I’m not going to get into details, but Joe found a group down south on youtube called “A voice in the desert.” He got all religious on me and asked me to come with him.  He wanted us to give up everything, stop working for money, and preach the gospel on the streets. Yup. No joke. And that’s exactly what he did. I came home from work one day, and he was gone. He still e-mails me from time to time, but other than that, I don’t hear from him much. I was hurt initially when it happened. But I won’t lie, it was almost a relief. I cared for him a lot, and I was also used to him being there for me whenever I needed him. So that was hard. Sleeping alone every night after he left was hard too. His mother was devastated. She misses him a lot, and I don’t blame her. We tried like hell to talk him out of it, but nothing worked. The sad thing is, I know in his mind,  he thinks he’s doing the right thing because he backs it up all the time in the bible.

So that’s that. I’m still living on my mother in laws property. She doesn’t want me to pay rent. She says Ill always be her daughter no matter what. I’m so appreciative of everything she’s done for me. It would have been much harder without My in laws by my side. Chrissy, James, Cyn. Even John. (Even though he’s a pain in the ass.)

It’s been almost a year since he left. I’m now seeing who everyone calls “New Joe” or “Joe 2.0.” Yes, his name is Joe. I’ve been seeing him for a few months now. He’s sweet, but he’s just as broken as I am. He went through a divorce about the same time I did. I don’t know what our future holds. He’s very reluctant to get too deep into anything. I don’t blame him really. I just have a feeling i’m going to end up with a broken heart. Typical Virogs in my life. The first virgo I ever dated broke my heart too. I’m 33, almost 34. All I want in life is to love, and to be loved. I’m sure that’s what a lot of people want. But for me, it’s the utmost important thing. Nothing else matters to me. I can have all the riches in the world, travel, do whatever, but it will never be as fulfilling by myself. I want to enjoy and experience things with the love of my life, whomever that may be. I probably will never have kids. Not after what happened with my husband. Why does love have to be so hard? I feel like it has been my whole life. I’m always willing to love. Always. I’m not perfect. No one is. But I want to love someones faults, just like they could love mine.

I’ve got many more updates of births, deaths, and all sorts of stuff. I’ll save that for another day.