Lost

Joe and I spent the day in North Conway yesterday. We had fun. I brought him to church to hear my dad speak. He hasn’t been to church is like 13 years. It went pretty good I think. We went and hung out with Lexi and Dana at the Frontside Grind confee shop. After that we went back and he met Gram. I think she liked him. They both play cribbage. 🙂

My dad’s cancer came back in his prostate, but they said some radiation should take care of it. I hope so. I’m so sick of cancer and this family. My Aunt is away at some cancer healing retreat in Colorodo. While she was down there they had some dangerous floods and can’t even use water. No showers or laundry. She has the worst luck. Between her terrible car accident and now her cancer. I hope to God she makes it through this.

I wish I was closer to God, but I don’t know how to be. I don’t know if I’m scared, or if I keep making excuses. It’s hard to go visit my family only to see how faithful they are, and how unfaithful I am. I remember not too long ago, I actually fell asleep praying to God. It was nice, but that was the first time I had prayed in a long time, and haven’t prayed since. I just don’t think to pray all the time, and I feel it’s an indication that I have no faith. If I believed….TRULY believed that my prayers would be answered, wouldn’t I be praying more often? I have no faith….and I feel lost.