Grampy Jerry

Grampy Jerry is in the hospital and it’s not looking good. He had a heart attack on his way home from visiting us. I wasn’t super close to him. Probably the least closest of my grandparents….but I am still upset. I just saw him the other day in Portsmouth. My dad, Aunt Sandy and my cousins Dana, Lexi, and Greg were all hanging out with him. He was looking forward to some Maine lobster and fresh haddock. He’s lives in North Carolina, although he grew up in NH. He seemed his normal self, like nothing was wrong. My dad and Aunt Sonia drove down to PE in hopes to see him before he passes. To top it off, this happened right before my Aunt Sandys surgery. (She had colon cancer.) It’s been a rough couple months for the family, as my step-grandfather died a couple months ago from brain cancer.  I was closer to him…and he was more like a father to my dad than grampy Jerry. I’m getting to that age where I’m going to have to deal with this a lot.  Before a couple months ago, all my grandparents were still alive. The one’s I am closest with are still here…..and I am going to be very sad when they leave. My reeree and Poppy, Grammy Norma, and Grampy Dywnal. I hate to think about it…..For some reason they all still look the same to me as they did when I was a kid, although I know they don’t. 

If you read my entry before last, you would know that I am confused about how i feel about God. I feel like If he is out there, I need him now more than ever. I wish he would help me believe in him. I want to pray, but I don’t even know where to start.