Time Spent

Offensive content usually found within, read at own risk. No whiners.

I finally told Zach that I didn’t actually graduate high school. I’ve never said that I did, but I never exactly said I didn’t. I always just talked around it, like I do with anyone else. It’s something I’m mildly ashamed of, but I know I’m intelligent, and I don’t need a diploma to prove that. Zach didn’t realize it when he said it, but he made me feel completely inadequate by telling me that I am ‘too smart’ to not have a diploma, and that I should work on getting it as soon as I can, and then maybe pursue college. It’s nice that he has faith in me, but I have some … problems.. with going to college. For one, I’m nearing 30 years old. I realize that isn’t a completely ridiculous age to start school, but considering I’d probably go for fine art or theology or something along those lines, I fail to see the benefits. If it were for theology I could see it because I would learn things I don’t know, but my fine art skills would be used in my photography, which I honestly believe I am naturally skilled in already. I find it problematic that people unintentionally insult me by asking me where I went to school and are taken aback when I say I haven’t studied photography, that I just shoot and this is what comes out.

There’s a girl from my teens who has become a pro photographer. She attended the local university and recently graduated with her degree in Fine Arts with a concentration in photography. She takes pictures that are just as beautiful as mine. The only difference is that she can get jobs I can’t because she has the financial means from her family and through her degree affiliation to pursue it full-time. It makes me sad and doesn’t encourage me in any way to continue my work in trying to establish a business. All of my customers at work keep asking me how things are going, and I’m planning to enter a local photo contest for Allied Arts, and really the entering is the big step for me. Winning it or placing in it would be amazing. But I’m sincerely not counting on it. I’ve selected a photo that I have personally digitally altered and have turned into a piece of artwork. It’s of a tractor…I think it’s striking and very nostalgic looking, and I hope it inspires the same sense of time-turning that it did in me when I first saw it, in the judges at the event.

I don’t know. I’m just feeling whole-heartedly inadequate about the whole thing. I know I’ve got natural talent, but would a degree and thousands of dollars REALLY help any?

On other notes, things are going well. I’ve got a huge thanksgiving dinner thing coming up. Alex and everyone coming to the house and having dinner…it’ll be nice. One big family.

Later.