The Part About Not Understanding

Offensive content usually found within, read at own risk. No whiners.

Okay, so, this will be pretty short.

I’ve decided to pretty much stop my writing in here. I know, it’s such a shock, I write so often…heh.

In any case, I’ll probably be spending more time writing on my blogspot, which is severely neglected as well, perhaps moreso than this place.

I used to write here all the time, and I’ve been on this website over ten years, most of it under this very diary. However, a recent event has made my desire to write here even less than it was.

I won’t go into huge detail, but I had this friend that I met through OD, named Matt. He was this super fun guy who didn’t have a boatload of friends and was just cool. We did eventually meet, forever ago and while I was still living in Florida, but when I moved back up here to Georgia things sorta changed between me and him. While in college, he had started hanging out with a group of people that had a bit of a ringleader named Donna. Now..Donna and I met and instantly took a dislike to one another. Later I would apologize for any rude things I had said to her and she would dramatically refuse my apology, but in the meantime it caused my relationship with Matt to suffer. I remember inviting him to my housewarming party last year and he seemed as though he had fun. I got a bit inebriated and spread myself too thin among all the people there. He didn’t seem bothered much by it and said he had a good time. After that we saw each other maybe once or twice, but shortly after my party my Dad’s health started seriously declining, leading to his eventual death in May. After that my life has been a sea of events, ranging from my moving a couple times within the city, running my mother to everywhere on the planet and helping her cope with the loss of my dad, trying to get my photography business off the ground and devoting my time to work to make myself a better employee. That’s just a sprinkling of things. In this time, I admit that I neglected Matt a bit, but I still regularly read his OD entries. He wrote an entry that I commented on and was a little bit hard on him, but I didn’t think it was anything outside the acceptable range of friendship that we had, and I made the comments with good intentions. Through some series of events that I don’t completely understand, he has ‘unfriended’ me, taking me off his favorites list so I am unable to read the bulk of his entries. The explanation for this is that I actually ‘know’ the people he talks about and it makes him uncomfortable, which is a reason I find very fake and also very overdramatic. It isn’t as though I would walk up to these people and tell them all the things he’s written about them over the years, and his ex girlfriend has met a couple of his friends, if I remember correctly, and she is still allowed to read his OD. It’s very upsetting because I haven’t ‘lost’ a friend since high school, and it’s something that bothers me. So, I guess I went into more detail than I thought I would, but there you are. In any case, if you’d like to keep up with me, feel free to visit my blogspot at wegotthefunk.blogspot.com.

So that’s it…I had to write about this here because I won’t mention it over there. Matt unintentionally, though successfully ruined OD for me. Yay. :-/

Frankly.

March 11, 2010

Ok, let me try to explain this the best that I can. As you know, I write about very personal things in my diary that I am not open about in my day to day life things that are very private to me, specifically in my favorites only entries. This wasn’t very true when I first started writing in OD, but over time the reason I write here has changed and my diary has evolved and now I’m more sensitiveon who I would have on my friends list than before. Still, most of my “friends” on OD are people I don’t know and will never meet in “real life” so I don’t think too much about them reading my diary. That distinction made, the only people I give access to my diary who do know me in “real life” are my absolute closest friends who I trust completely. There are only really 2 people who qualify here currently, that being Heather and Erin. Even Kyle, who is perhaps the best friends Ive had in my life, has access to my OD, but does not have access to my friends only entries.

So, honestly, I did not take you off favorites because I was bitter about our friendship and how it’s fallen apart. That is not my reason at all. It’s just that the fact that we’ve drifted apart to such an extent and that you know me and the people I write about and it honestly makes me uncomfortable. And, ok, I know you will think this is ridiculous, but when you deleted me from facebook, to me that was a blatant signal that we are not close enough anymore for me to comfortably allow you to read my most private diary entries. Facebook is a place where I interact with people I barely know and dont give a shit about and wouldnt let anywhere near my private diary entries. It is just a casual online site for casual friends there is nothing intimate about it. And yet, you felt that we were not even close enough to remain friends on there. Again, I realize I sound dramatic when I say that, but its not that Im even mad at you for deleting me from there. Its just that Im saying, to me that is you acknowledging that we were not very close anymore. You said yourself you were deleting people you no longer talked to….

And if Im someone that you no longer talked to and am not a close enough friend to be facebook friends with, there is no way I feel comfortable with you reading my most private thoughts. Im annoyed with how this sounds, because I feel like ultimately it boils down to you deleted me from facebook, so Im going to delete you from my friends on OD! Thatll show you! and that is really not in the spirit of what Im saying. I didnt take you off because I was mad at you or because I wanted to eliminate you from my life forever. I still have you on my bookmarks. I still like you. Im not angry with you about not spending time with me at the party, Im not angry with you about the note you left me about Cheri, its not because I like Donna more than you and am taking her side. The party was fun, the note was perfectly fine, Donna can be a hard person to get along with. It isnt anything personal that I have against you, its just the fact that we arent close anymore, for whatever reason and I only feel comfortable with my absolute closest friends reading my diary.

Anyway, as you already know, it was never my intention to ruin OD for you. In the past you know that Ive been a primary person who has encouraged you to write here. And I still do encourage you to, though I realize that its not really my place at this point.

Brandon St. Randy

So I finally get ya back and now you are leaving. My heart parts hurt.

williamthebloody

March 14, 2010

*HUGS*