i will surely brake

the emptiness seems to keep creeping up, i keep shoving it back down but it creeps back up, up my spinal column, up through my intestine, up my throat and out my mouth in a silent scream that no one seems to hear, or even notice. my picture shows me smiling, but it’s the perfect disguise, my facade. what is it about me that wants to be seen, yet invisible. i want to be loved, but i hate to be touched. i need. i need. i need. i need….

my life is plain, our house is empty. we stay in our seperate corners of the house, both of us hurting to badly to ask for the help we need, the help we probably deserve. both of us grieving, dealing with a lost greater than ourselves. when i ask it gets pushed to the side, im told to just hold on. just hold on. hold on until tomorrow, hold on until tuesday, next week..hold on forever. forget the urgency but hurry up and wait…so i wait. i wait and i wait and i wait. and nothing fucking happens. the hurt just grows deeper and deeper. and i drown in it alone.

i don’t expect anyone to come and rescue me, i don’t expect anyone to drop what they are doing to save me, we all have our own problems. its every man for themselves…but if i don’t say this now..i will surely brake…

life is not getting any better. i am not getting any better. and if anyone has a minute, just a minute, maybe just a second for me…i could use some help. im loosing my control, and i can’t slow it down. i can’t fix it, anything. i can’t stop this ache that has taken over my whole body. There will be nothing of me left soon.

-myZuri