Search For That Balance

"Of course I wanted forever… Was there any doubt?"

Who can love deeply and be satisfied with just a year, a month, a week, a day, an hour?

And who can be happy even if they have many years, full of passion yet void of love, when the person loves deeply?

Yet sometimes one settles; with the overwhelming feeling that one could never love again, and would rather endure the pain of loving in vain. And if you know, that the person who loves you so, doesn’t want you to go, even though you don’t return that love, must you insist on pushing that knife deeper and turning twisting the handle in, especially when you tell that person to stay anyway, "Even though I don’t love you… Don’t leave."

There’s a term, ‘friends with benefits’… See, it’s different when they are both friends who feel the same way about each other, love, or just friendship, who don’t really want to commit, but want the joys of intimacy anyway. On equal grounds they stand, and thus both do in fact benefit…

Then there’s the unbalanced relationship, one loves the other while the other either just doesn’t return that love or is in love with someone else or with someone else. Ultimate, if they were to want to remain friends, the lines should be clear. Remain friends with no intimacy to confuse the situation; after all, the other person’s heart is with someone else.

I don’t understand how a person can say "I don’t love you, and I know that you love me, and I know that if we do this, you’ll get hurt… I don’t want to hurt you… But I want to have sex with you anyway…" If you don’t want to hurt a person, why coax them into a situation where hurt is the only prospective outcome? If you truly care for the person who loves you, and truly does not want that person to get hurt, why would you propose such a thing? Isn’t it obvious what would happen in the end? Hurt, bitterness, pain… Love and lust cannot exist together without causing a feud if they are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

Friendships do not survive well under complications which exist between the two friends, if they are not clear of their boundaries… Boundaries are good for perspective, without them you lose control, and then you lose your soul.

Some can exist and thrive anyway with the absence of love even when they are looking at the source of that absence constantly. A friend can remain a friend even if their feelings have changed, if the friendship is important enough to sustain. It is only hard when you have your honest feelings thrown back at you by the person who swore to respect it, accept it and ignore it anyway because they cannot return it.

It should not be that hard for you who do not love the ones who love you, to just remain the way you’ve always been, if the person is willing to accept that you do not return their feelings and would stand by you and want you to be happy anyway, however you may find it.

Friendship is not a cage. It should set you free with the existence of understanding and honesty. You may not always trust your friends, and they may not always trust you… But you can understand and appreciate where they are coming from, and in turn respect and appreciate their point of view. That’s why you became friends anyway. If they don’t demand more from you than what you’re willing to give, why strain the lines?

A simple truth in the matters of heart "While it is unfair for me to walk away from you, just because you cannot love me; It is unfair for you to constantly hurt me just because I’m in love with you, yet ask of nothing more than your friendship."

If you want your friends to stay, don’t constantly push them away. Eventually one side has to stop, and you know you don’t want it to be you. So just be honest and be true…

Search for that balance…

Friendships really shouldn’t be so hard to do…

The End
Sky Lark Crow
2.48am 4th June 2006

***

Yup, it’s more a stream of thought than a story really….

Makes sense?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of being angry about things, mainly because I’ve been sick and an email from my friend made it worst for a while. I ain’t sure yet, it really depends on wether I hear from him or not again, but yeah I may have pushed as hard as he’s pushing to send him away.

No, I never wanted to lose that friendship, I just wanted us to be friends again and to stop hurting.

So I’m hoping that if he comes back, we can just be mates. If he doesn’t, it must be for the best.

God bless and have a wonderful week.

Sincerely
Lanis