It’s Not Because I Love You

It’s not because I love you,
That I just cannot walk away,
It’s because the laughter you bring,
That compells me to stay.

I know that you care,
That’s something even you do say,
So no matter if you’re here or there,
I just can’t walk away…

Wouldn’t it be so easy to dissapear?
No, because you’re just too dear,
You’re really my best pal,
Even when things aren’t well,
That I cannot leave you,
It’s too hard for me to do.

I would miss you too much,
The void would suck,
Who else can make me laugh like you?
No one else, and that’s unfortunately true..

So yeah, it’s the laughter,
That keeps me here,
That you make me feel happy,
While you’re letting me be me.

The End
Sky Lark Crow
3.36am 1st June 2006

***

Really…. He does make me laugh so much!

***

(…continue from previous)
Later I got an email from him saying that he was just still angry. While I was going to reply to that email he got online. I’m always set on busy lately or offline to everyone else except for him. Today I was set busy. Oh yeah, from this conversation you’ll understand what I mean by having to guess most of what he is saying, coz I didn’t clean up the conversation, just posting it as it was. When he is on medication, it doesn’t stop him from wanting to type fast anyway, so he doesn’t use spaces and I have to guess what he’s trying to say because the letters don’t all come in the correct order… 🙂 hahahaha

Teddybear: bsuediongwat?
Teddybear: moreassingments

nightscamp: nothing really
nightscamp: just dont want ppl msg’ing I guess
nightscamp: I can’t focus anyway so i read the sheet and it may as well be in french

Teddybear: huh?
Teddybear: yuupset?
Teddybear: iadiditrote/

nightscamp: you didnt do anything
nightscamp: I’ve been fucking up for a whole 6weeks now
nightscamp: almost didnt hand in my other assignment

Teddybear: huh/
Teddybear: watf
Teddybear: y?
Teddybear: watdsupwotjtat?

nightscamp: I did hand it in in the end like at 4.30 before the 5pm cut
nightscamp: but I only worked on it 48hours before the cut

Teddybear: hehehe

nightscamp: yeh

Teddybear: sowatdsbeenbotheringu]
Teddybear: imsastilightly doeped
Teddybear: buticanlilsten

nightscamp: I just need to go home
nightscamp: but I’ve got to get through this last assignment first adn the exams

Teddybear: ah
Teddybear: homesitck eh/

nightscamp: no
nightscamp: its toowoomba
nightscamp: beautifully serene to the death of you

Teddybear: hshshs

nightscamp: anyway I’m going home til the end of the year at least

Teddybear: urealyoneok?

nightscamp: leave in July

Teddybear: oh
Teddybear: sudbeuinklwheni getwellcn come

nightscamp: going to finish the course externally
nightscamp: yeah I’ll be there

Teddybear: ok denitdbe nice
Teddybear: gofordinner ok

nightscamp: ok *hugs*

Teddybear: rurealyoik?
Teddybear: was worried abt u so got up n got online n talked 2 u

nightscamp: sweet

Teddybear: huh

nightscamp: sweet of you

Teddybear: huh?

nightscamp: don’t worry about me
nightscamp: coz I was just worried about you

Teddybear: ure myfriend
Teddybear: a bitstupid attimes
Teddybear: but still a good friend
Teddybear: n the best bud

nightscamp: yeah whom you said made your life more than fucked

Teddybear: n ure also a lot better at a ot more better stuff

nightscamp: I went to sleep after reading that email

Teddybear: imjust liketat when imstressed u knwtat

nightscamp: nothing made sense
nightscamp: I know. I deserved it

Teddybear: ya u do

nightscamp: I know

Teddybear: u got a great arse but tat dun mean tat i wont kick it if u do somethin i dun like

nightscamp: nah, I’ll keep the doors locked

Teddybear: huh for wat?

nightscamp: so you can’t kick my ass
nightscamp: you can sit out on the bench and shout at me

Teddybear: fine i’ll pinch it n find outheruses for it

nightscamp: its saggy as it is, rather not have it dented as well
nightscamp: can you do me a favour though>

Teddybear: wat?

nightscamp: I was I was a bitch and crossed the line and all

Teddybear: wot?

nightscamp: but unless she does say anything

Teddybear: notasyet

nightscamp: can you not tell me Im fucking up your life

<span style="color: rgb(255, 255,0);”>Teddybear: ok

nightscamp: at least not for another 3 weeks?

Teddybear: ko

nightscamp: after my exams are done you can curse me upside down I’ll be fine

Teddybear: hahaha

nightscamp: I just couldn’t do anything at all after I read your email

Teddybear: ok

nightscamp: yesterday all I ate was half a fruit bar

Teddybear: udshoul learn2 frstress

nightscamp: or end up on tranquilizers like you?

Teddybear: ya

nightscamp: ahahahaha

Hehehehehe…. See he was so sweet right? The funny thing is later when he got online again and he wasn’t all doped up, he claims he can’t remember me pissing him off. It’s like, under medication he knows what I do while he is under meds, and when he’s off the meds, he knows what I do when he’s off it. But he can’t remember when he is off the meds, what I’ve done while he’s been on it. And while he’s on the meds, he can’t remember what he’s said or I’ve done when he’s off it… So I wonder if the tirade is going to start again later. It’s a little worrying if he suddenly gets a negative email from her and can’t remember why the heck he’s getting it. If he remembers, then it’s a different story. So now that’s my biggest worry, that he may get a reply, if he gets one, when he wouldn’t be able to remember what it was all about.

Anyway, that was a really sweet conversation though… So I’m like posting more for me to remember. But you can tell why it’s so hard for me to let him go as well… He really is the nicest dude most of the times, and if I had never fallen in love with him, we would have maintained the most perfect friendship.

Ah well, I’ve got to try again to make sense of my assignment now.

Take care and God bless everyone!

Sincerely
Smiling Coz I am Happy.