IS ME REALLY MONSTER?

COOKIE MONSTER SEARCHES DEEP WITHIN HIMSELF AND ASKS: IS ME REALLY MONSTER?
BY ANDY F. BRYAN

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Me know. Me have problem.
Me love cookies. Me tend to get out of control when me see cookies.
Me know it not natural to react so strongly to cookies, but me have weakness.
Me know me do wrong. Me know it isn’t normal. Me see disapproving looks.
Me see stares. Me hurt inside.
When me get back to apartment, after cookie binge, me can’t stand looking in mirror—fur matted with chocolate-chip smears and infested with crumbs.
Me try but me never able to wash all of them out. Me don’t think me is monster.
Me just furry blue person who love cookies too much.
Me no ask for it. Me just born that way.
Me was thinking and me just don’t get it.
Why is me a monster? No one else called monster on Sesame Street.
Well, no one who isn’t really monster.
Two-Headed Monster have two heads, so he real monster.
Herry Monster strong and look angry, so he probably real monster, too. But is me really monster?
Me thinks me have serious problem.
Me thinks me addicted. But since when it acceptable to call addict monster?
It affliction. It disease. It burden.
But does it make me monster?
How can they be so callous?
Me know there something wrong with me, but who in Sesame Street doesn’t suffer
from mental disease or psychological disorder?
They don’t call the vampire with math fetish monster,
and me pretty sure he undead and drinks blood.
No one calls Grover monster, despite frequent delusional episodes and obsessive-compulsive tendencies.
And the obnoxious red Grover—oh, what his name?—Elmo!
Yes, Elmo live all day in imaginary world and no one call him monster.
No, they think he cute.
And Big Bird!
Don’t get me started on Big Bird!
He unnaturally gigantic talking canary! How is that not monster?
Snuffleupagus not supposed to exist—woolly mammoths extinct.
His very existence monstrous. Me least like monster.
Me maybe have unhealthy obsession, but me no monster.
No. Me wrong. Me too hard on self. Me no have unhealthy obsession.
Me love cookies, but it no hurt anyone. Me just enthusiast.
Everyone has something they like most, something they get excited about.
Why not me?
Me perfectly normal. Me like cookies. So what?
Cookies delicious. Cookies do not make one monster.
Everyone loves cookies.
Me no monster. Me OK guy.
Me OK guy who eat cookies.
Who me kidding? Me know me never actually eat cookies.
Me only crumble cookies in mouth, but me no swallow.
Me can’t swallow. Me no have no esophagus. Me no have no trachea.
Me only have black fabric throat. Me not supposed to be able to even talk.
Me no eat cookies.
Me destroy cookies.
Me crush cookies.
Me mutilate cookies.
Me make it so no one get cookies.
Everyone right.

Me really is cookie monster.

***

AWWW… I was one of those lucky kids who grew up on Sesame Street, as in WATCHING Sesame St, and 3, 2, 1 Contact and stuff like that. Heck I can even remember singing along to their counting song 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…. And watching Bert and Earnie thinking, poor silly ol Earnie… I didn’t much like Big Bird either, but I always loved the Cookie Monster. Perhaps coz my dad would call me The Kacang Monster! Kacang is malay for Peanuts or groundnuts. Anyway, one of those nuts where you crack open the shell to eat it, taste nice and cheaper than pistachios which I know, taste absolutely heavenly, but beyond my weekly/monthly budget. I steal them from dad when he gets holiday/season presents from his friends. It’s bad for his stress and cholesterol levels anyway.

I’ve got this bad tooth. OH I told you about it. It’s giving me headaches now. So I was wondering what I should eat, but at the same time, don’t really wanna eat because of the tooth. It’ll be the end of August when I return to Malaysia when I can get any dental attention, because it’s just way too expensive here. I hope that the darn toothing thing just breaks off, lets me bleed for a while and be done with it. BUT PLEASE! NOT JUST BEFORE OR DURING MY EXAMS!!

Anyway, I found that on Cookie Monster on a webblog I ain’t supposed to be visiting… And I’ve also been tormenting my best pal on a blog of his that I shouldn’t be visiting either. I ain’t sure if I should know about it at all. I just know that he doesn’t want the owner of the blog I shouldn’t be visiting to know about that blog of his. Complicated eh? But because I’ve been visiting both blogs, I’m quite sure if he finds out one day he will surely feel rather murderous towards me. HAHAHAHAH

Why do I do it then? I sorta hated that other person. Not because she’d bad, but because the way she turned his life upside-down. I wasn’t jealous of her, like he kept accusing me of, I just didn’t like people who made the people I care about sad. Simple as that. You can understand that right? And everytime he would talk about her, it would never be a good day coz he’d be from any range between miserable, angry and depressed, and the whole situation between him and me actually also started because of her, coz I sorta let him use me to try and get her out of his system. Such a self-sacrificing bitch of a best pal I am really. ahahahah

So anyway, I was trying to understand her better, and I sorta do now. I never really hated her. But anyway after reading her blog I figure she’s pretty okay, which must have been the case anyhow for him to like her in the first place. So yeah, I don’t hate her or feel badly towards her anymore, I can understand where she’s coming from now from what I’ve read. I left a couple of notes on her blog, just general stuff anyhow, then she set it to bloggers only, and I don’t have a blog there, so I wasn’t gonna bother setting up a ghost one just for that. So I just read silently now.

He is still getting tormented by me because I just leave a note or two on his blog, but sign off differently, and he’s going crazy trying to figure out whom I am. I think I tipped him off the first two times I left a note, so he almost figured it out, unless he had someone else in mind, then I changed my style and he was off on a tangent again and not happy about that. HAHAHAHAH I just don’t want him to keep asking whom it is. I just wanna be a no body there, coz once he knows it’s me he won’t appreciate the notes anymore. I noticed that pattern. I ain’t gonna really take it to heart anymore, but yeah I’m screwing with his mind now for it. HAHAHAHAHA</fon

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I can be a very cruel person. It’s just a part of me that comes out with certain people under special circumstances. And he is very special. HAHAHAHAHAH My notes have been nice. All just saying that his blog was a cure for my bad days because it’s full of laughter. But he’s getting annoyed because I won’t leave a name. I’ve gone from being ‘a friend’ to ‘will Shakespear do’ to ‘William…. Shakespear’ HAHAHAHAH.

Anyway, I love Cookie Monster. I was gonna post that one on another Blog I have which he also reads. But since she just posted it, and since I don’t know if he reads her blog or not, but I’m assuming from one comment she made on her own blog sometime before, that he at least used to visit her blog, I’m going to play safe. I’ll wait a while before posting this one there. I just love Cookie Monster too much, not to post it anyhow. But I’m biding my time, so I won’t get into trouble.

If he really does come and visit me, I heck better clear the internet history and bookmarks on this computer so that he doesn’t know I’ve been visiting. HAHAHAH Otherwise it’s not going to be a good trip. Then again, if he brings his laptop along, then I won’t have to worry because the speed of this computer would get him so annoyed, he probably won’t touch it short of trying to make it work better to yet again prove that he is the worlds absolutely best computer guy! I don’t doubt that. 🙂

Well, I don’t know when he’ll visit anyhow. Was hoping that it be sooner, but now I think it’ll be much, much later the way things are going with his health. But yeah, he is really, really sweet to talk to when he is on medication. Too bad it won’t always be that way. HAHAHAHAH But anyhow, he’s been a good friend. One should be so lucky to have even one of those, and I do actually have 8…. So I am 8 times blessed.

Take care and be well all.

I got 10journal articles to read for my assignment due on the 29th and I have to finish up an assignment due Friday, so I got to go!

God bless you always!

Sincerely,
One who ain’t got rights to complain. 🙂