If Only In Dreams…

If only dreams and reality could meet,
Your life and mine would be completely,
Free from past worries and woes,
No more hurting and unforgiving sorrows.

And you could accept me as I am,
And share whom you really are,
We would walk joyously through this land,
Basking in the beauty that the eyes see far.

You’d not be lacked from the loss of Love,
You’d believe in the Lord within you and above,
And I wouldn’t have to hide the true me,
I’d embrace her for the world to see.

But our reality is not a dream,
And life is as it seems,
You do not share this dream of mine,
I’ll try to dischard it in time.

For all we have in life is this moment,
Not to be wasted on dreams kept unspoken,
So I’ll find contentment within this reality,
So long as you remain within it with me.

However you are, my love for you will stay,
However you remain, I’ll never walk away.

The End
Sky Lark Crow
1.45pm 27th April 2006

***

I would have to admit that it is more by choice that I am caught within this problematic paradox.
And the only way to get out of it would be to do so silently.
Coz any form of discussion leads to me reaffirming a promise to stay.
But shouldn’t promises be kept? My word IS my honour.
I just need to be stronger and firmer when standing my ground.
Then I’ll be able to safely, sanely, stick around.

***

Honestly, I don’t know what to say without being repetative, and I don’t want to keep repeating myself. It hasn’t gotten me anywhere. Not with with voices in my head. Not with the voice of reality. You know, it’s hard when you’re worried about your friend who’s sick, and letting him continue to manipulate you into being his amusement because of it. It’s a whole cycle that continues because of changing circumstances. And while he claims that I’ve been having the upper hand…. Well one can’t enjo the upper hand when they’re always lost in shadows…

I’m going to Brisbane tomorrow. Gonna probably be there until Sunday, unless I really have nothing to do by Mid Day Saturday I may just decide to go back Saturday instead coz I can’t go stay with my best pal at the Gold Coast Saturday night, since she’ll be busy she said…. I know that I do have othr people to stay with if I want, but honestly, I just don’t want to impose on them, mainly because I sorta just wanna be on my own, or be with different people I suppose…. So I guess, I’ll just have to wait and see what happens then.

A part of me is trying to latch on to a wildish streak of wanting to meet up with random strangers and see where it goes. Sometimes I’ve never allowed myself to do because, I’m utterly cautious by nature and I don’t trust easy. Also because of my size, safety is always another factor which I have to be vigil about. The funny thing about him is that when I tell him I’m gonna meet up with people he’ll say, "Hmmm you’re becoming more reckless now." when at other times he’s telling me to do just that…. *sigh*

My studies, thankfully at the moment, isn’t suffering too much aside from the distraction. I am getting along with my assignments, so that’s good. I just need to instead chug down and focuz more on the readings and understanding of the materials, because I find that in class while I can do the stuff, I don’t seem to know or remember where the mundane information is supposed to be coming from…. Like today I didn’t know where the heck th t-critical for statistics was from. Then my coursemate was like, "Just get it from the table in the book!" And you know, I’ve done stats before, I should know this already… But I’ve been going in greener than before. *sigh* GOT TO BUCK UP!

Anyway, I’ll go read a bit now or pack for Brisbane. I hope it’s a good trip anyway. Perhaps I’ll find a way to make a new pal.

Take care and be well all!

God bless

Sincerely,
Feeling Through The Shadows In Search Of Light