I Strayed Into The Ocean Of Blackness

I was born from light,
But from it, I’ve been losing sight,
Over the years, there’s been this darkness,
Where once reality sets in,
The darkness it brings,
And one cannot escape it’s presence,
Except to hold on to their light,
Which had come with them, their birthright…

I’ve let go of this light,
While I was straying,
Searching for something I thought I’d lost,
….. Myself,
And in that search,
Moving away from the light,
Neglecting it’s presense in my life,
I’ve been consumed by the darkness,
Overwhemled,
Begun to drown,
For too long I’ve been drowning without knowing,
Now that I know, it almost seems to late,
To the surface I must break,
Out of this sea of black,
Free from the pervasive grey,
To see the brightness of day,
To see the light that I’d thrown away….

I’m struggling,
Gasping,
Fighting to surface,
To regain what I’ve lost,
What I neglected,
That from which I walked away,
Looking outside for what was wthin me,
My soul, my reality,
Separate from this world full off illusion.

I’ve been drowning in the illusion,
Dying from the sorrow it brings,
The blackness, filling my lungs,
Covering my minds eye from the glow…

Yet, there’s the glimmer still,
That my eyes have not wavered from,
That my mind has locked on to,
And I’m reaching through the blackness,
Struggling against the pervasive darkness,
To reach for that glimmer,
To break through the surface and see it bright.

I was born from light,
I shall not die in dakness,
No I shall not die in darkness.

The End
Sky Lark Crow
8.09pm 1st April 2006

***

Like a cruel April Fools joke, I wrote this poem all of the sudden on Front Page thinking of pasting it here, then I check one email, and come in here to post the poem. But it refuses to past, so I go back to Front Page for this poem, but I cannot find it, and when I hit undo, there’s nothing, and when I hit past there’s suddenly the whole Gmail window of the email I sent my Uncle, which I swear I never copied as I’ve never tried to copy email pages like that in the first place. So anyway, the initial poem is lost, I don’t know where it is. I rewrote it in the above, but it’s not the same except for the ending… I don’t know if one is better than the other, but like a mother who’s had twins and lost one, I grieve the loss of that poem…

***

I stil cannot comprehand why the darkest poems often come to be on my lightest days…

Anyway, my days have still been well and I am making progress wth my assignment though I have not completed it as yet…. Yes, I kept telling myself that I was going to complete it, I had planned to complete it by last monday, and now it is still incomplete. But it’s supposedly due Monday, there’s been a weeks extension but I don’t want to take that and be lazy, I want to complete it hopefullly by tonight and tomorrow start on a new assignment as I have 4more to go I believe.

I think I have decided that if events take place in the next two months, well when opportunity presents itself, I will end up making one of the biggest mistakes in my life hang the consequences because it’s just been coming. And should that truly happen, whatever happens actually, I will have to from then on stick to my guns and move on. Some games, as fun and pleasurable as it may get, has to come to an end. Otherwise you walk through life missing the best it has to offer you while waiting for something that is NEVER going to come. I’m convincing myself that it will NEVER be. Then I can walk away with whatever misconceptions I have which will save me for being so. Yes, I’ll take my little pleasures and walk away. All bets will be off because if what I think will happen happens, all promises would be broken, all lines crossed and I would not be able to turn back the clock or walk this path I have been. And I’m prepared to do just that. Hang consequence. Life’s too short for what I’ve been putting myself through now. So I’ll let the inevitable happen, and stop this mad cycle. I will not regret, things have changed too much for regret.

Sometimes we pave the way to Hell…. KNOWINGLY…. So I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to right the impending wrong, but I believe it will happen anyway. Be it my rebel self, or my own darkness that’s hooked on to this need till it’s become an insane madness for the lack.

If I jump into the deep end, and he actually decides he wants to save me, That would be a miracle I no longer dare to hope for… I shall jump into the deep end with him, and find my way back out without him. That’s what I’ve decided.

God be with you….

And no worries, I will not die.

Sincerely,
Pondering the Darkness, Holding on To the Light