I Love You (Another Update)

I love you in every way,
And not only on Valentines day,
But more so with each passing hour,
I can feel the energy in our loves power…

You fill me with such sweet joy,
Nothing can ever destroy,
The precious moments that we’ve made,
And those that we will yet make…

Loving you is madness,
And happiness and wonder,
All bundled in together,
Exploding with light,
And brimming with delight,
Making me want to dive deeper,
Into the splendor,
Of just loving and being loved by you.

Now I know what Elvis meant,
"Wise men say,
Only fools rush in,
But I can’t help,
Falling in love with you…"
Coz darling,
I really can’t fight this feeling,
Of loving you…
I just have to,
and I just do…
Keep falling in love with you.

The End
Sky Lark Crow
12.49pm 16th Feb 2007

***

Well it’s been 10 years since I’ve had an actual boyfriend as a Valentines, so Valentines for me came with mixed feelings of being absolutely special and loved because I have Rav3n and sad because I can’t be with him yet.

***

My dad did his check and it said that Rav3n and I have no future that would be good. Then I contested asking if that was true then why did the other Channel say that we do have a future. So the next bit of advice was to go and see the Channel about it then. The Mother which was channeled said "Leave it to me." Telling me that I should always love and respect my father and telling my father that he should always love me and to respect and understand my feelings too. The main advice was to give it time and don’t be overly emotional or hasty. Which I was fine with.

My stepmom tried to tell me that just coz the channel said to give it time it doesn’t mean that things will turn out the way I want it to. I just said that I want to be with Rav3n anyway so it doesn’t matter. I’m tired of her trying to mediate between my dad and me, and trying to give me all the negatives as though I haven’t already considered it. The more I leave her out of the loop the more negative things she says about Rav3n and me, but at the same time even when I do keep her in the loop she gives me the negatives. But she did try one nice thing about giving me the info on Visit Malaysia happenings for April so that Rav3n and I would have things to do. Honestly though, with him just being here for two weeks I can figure that out without anyone’s help. She’s not happy that I ain’t telling her about stuff with Rav3n anymore, I think that’s why I’m getting more negative vibes from her.

Between Rav3n and I though, we are doing fine, still trying to work on really trusting in each other and believing that we will be together, most days it’s just wonderful and I love him more and more with each passing day. He doesn’t mind when I end up calling him at weird hours waking him up from sleep, he’ll just say "It’s okay sweetie." while I’m apologizing for disturbing him. He’s trying to get me to sleep more though. hahaahaha

Today I called him about something that happened between my stepmom, aunt and I about the new furniture which they brought into the house without asking me about it at all. I hated the furniture and I told them that it didn’t suit the house and didn’t look welcoming and I didn’t like it. I got crap from my aunty for that, but my stepmom seemed to respect what I felt, but obviously she was just keeping it in coz she sms’d my dad saying that she was sad and hurt. She didn’t respond to my sms’s to her nor did she take my calls. I got an sms from my dad asking about what the heck’s going on and if I could calm her down, but I told him that I think she’s upset with me over the furniture. He thought that someone else got her upset so I explained the situation to him. Then I said "I don’t really know why she’s upset, but if she’s upset with me, it’s because of the furniture. I hate it and it makes me feel very tense." Dad thankfully seems to understand. He wants me to call her in the morning and say I wanna go with her to pick my dad up from Sentral, coz he’s flying back from Jakarta tomorrow. But he said I shouldn’t tell her that he sms’d me, I should make it seem like it’s all my idea. 🙂 Apparently he says she’s very sensitive about this house and gets defensive because she feels like an outsider or something like that… *sigh*

I’ve been tired thinking about all that and not getting any good work done on my writing. I did download the trial version of Power DVD though so that I can watch DVD’s on my laptop and get my writing work done.

On the job front, I have my freelance writing and at the same time I have a temp job at a balloon shop. The pay is crappy but it’s a fun job and my co-workers are very nice and accepting of me. I’m learning a lot and it’s a happy place. hehehe 🙂 So yeah. But I’ll have to tell them that I can’t work as many hours for next week as I said I could because now I need to sort out the furniture issue and go deal with that on my own coz my aunty said "If you’re gonna be so passionate and emotional about it, you then go and choose the furniture." and I said "Fine, I’ll do that, just tell me where you got it from and I’ll go check it out." I hate people telling me one way or another that my opinion holds no weight in my own house. And that’s what my aunty did in her backhanded manner saying "It’s not like you’re going to be living here forever!" Well she isn’t living here at all! But I didn’t use that argument, my reply was "Well you asked for my opinion right? And that’s my opinion. The furniture doesn’t suit this house." Hell she wanted to remove the family photo’s and that I was totally against. I see no point in removing family photo’s from the wall to be replaced with stupid worthless paintings that are just copies and do not appreciate in it’s value.

I told them that if they want, they can muck around with the dining room, but the hall which is also the family living room and the space where we all relax in, they cannot do what they want with that because it HAS to be comfortable for the people LIVING in the house as well. You can tell me that the house is not mine, but the house is willed to my sister and I, not to my aunty or stepmom, so we still do have a right to an opinion and to say if we don’t like something coz we live there, and our deal with that was that he could use his room and my bro’s room for the office if he’ll let the hall/living room remain our place to relax. Coz we wanted to let him use the whole downstairs if he would give us my kid bro’s room to use as a TV room. Since he’s made that into an office space too, we only have one space left to chill and that’s the hall. So yeah, I don’t wanna have a hall that I don’t feel welcomed in. It’ll just give me more of an excuse to hibernate in my room then and my dad won’t like that.

Now I really just want dad to let me go and let me be with Rav3n before things get out of hand between me and my stepmom and aunt. I can’t leave without his blessings because that would just ruin the family, and I cannot leave my family behind in ruins, but I can’t let them drive me nuts either.

I’m just glad that I do have Rav3n with me coz it’s something I can look forward to. Coz I think now the way things are going, if I didn’t have that Jan 2008 vision for Rav3n and I getting married, I’d just feel so trapped and dead here with everything going on with seemingly no light at the end of the tunnel, feeling like I have to get out of here regardless of what the family feels. With Rav3n, I have hope and I can try and accommodate for the others because I know that I won’t always have to.

I love Rav3n so much, I hope and pray that we make it in one piece together.

Take care and be well everyone.

May God always shower His graces on you!

BE HAPPY!!

Sincerely,
The Crow, Yearning To Be With Her Rav3n