Goodbye To You

Out with the old,
In with the new,
It’s about time I said,
Goodbye to you.

Through too many winters,
That chilled the summers,
I’d been holding on,
To something I thought was true,
To someone I thought I knew,
At least enough to respect,
To defend, and to fight for,
Againt the apparently saliant warnings of others.

I trusted you with my healing scars,
Only to have you bleed them again,
The why so, I shall no longer ask,
For there are no tears for this pain.

Only the numbness,
Of a life gone wrong,
If I could not trust even my best friend,
Who can I trust in the end?

While I know my Lord will forgive me though,
I just cannot excuse myself anymore.

The End
Sky Lark Crow
2.09pm 4th April 2006

***

So yeah, those of you whom know what this is about.

It’s finally happened. The straw that broke the camel’s back.

And yes, I agree with you. I was stupid over the last three years letting some asshole-playing-bastard use me, just because I called him my best friend and was stupid enough to fall in love with him.

Which just goes to prove one thing – love and me don’t mesh.

If I fall in love with a guy, he is BOUND to SCREW with me and HANG ME UP TO DIE! Even if he’s denying that that’s what he’s been doing.

But as much as you can deny it.

When you’ve always known that someone was in love with you, and you let that someone believe that you were a trusted friend, you have to be an absolute bastard-lying-son-of-a-bitch-asshole-player to still:
1) Know and let her defend you against people who she cared about who were telling the truth with regards to how untrustworthy you really are, and how dangerous you could be to me.
2) Willingly allow tensions to build between me and my family over you.
3) Willingly allow and support once solid true friendships I’ve had to break down because of you.
4) Let me, kept asking me and encourage me to do unspeakable stuff while knowing it goaded at me conscience, and not tell me that you had other sluts who willingly did that for you already AT THE SAME TIME who ENJOYED it and were NOT PLAGUED BY IT!
5) Used other people to make me feel bad about myself during occasions like my own brother’s funeral, for no good reason. And FOUND IT FUNNY.
6) Talked about other women you loved or wanted to love or dreamed about right after you’ve just done stuff with me in bed. And claiming later "I DIDN’T REALIZE I SAID THAT!" It’s NOT an excuse. AND NOT ACCEPTABLE.
7) Played me out. Withheld information from me which you knew would stop me from giving you what you wanted.
8) Treated me like nothing more than a piece of ass and tits MOST OF THE TIMES, unless you needed help or a loan.
9) Claim that you would NEVER do anything to hurt me WHILE YOU HURT ME.
10) Use me blind without remorse and thinks that after the truth came out that to remain "Friends" is okay.

That I was so blind is astounding.
I can’t trust myself anymore with people.
I’d rather go around believe that "YOU’RE ALL OUT TO GET ME!"
Rather than to try and trust and LET YOU GET ME.

So I’ve been played out by the person whom I would defend with everything I had, as my best friend.

Leave me to mourne what I never had.

Sincerely,
Wishing That Something Would Kill Me So I Wouldn’t Have To Do It Myself