Fear

"Worry is like paying interest on a loan you haven’t taken out." a wise ol hermit would always tell me.

Sometimes you let fear drown you… Slowly eating you up on the inside, like a blanket of darkness surrounding you, enveloping you until you’ve forgotten about the existance of your own light. There is no sense of ease when fear is taking over your mind, heart and soul, it begins to pervade every aspect of your life and there’s no joy in whatever escape you’ve employed over years.

Sometimes you are not the sole maker of the decisions in your life, and when those decisions partially lie in the hands of other people whom don’t see eye to eye with you on a matter, you either live on the confidence of your own feelings about the issue, or live in fear that the proceedings will not point towards the road that you want to take. It’s not so bad if it’s something that you can either accept or walk away from without reprecussions. But sometimes the "What’s best for you…" which ends up being the option that you didn’t want to take, will tear at your soul if enforced.

Some mistakes in life, we have to make on our own, bare the consequences and make the best of it. When you don’t know it’ll be a mistake, when you feel that instead it is the road to your own life’s happiness, it’s the hardest thing to consider an alternative that’s so far removed from you own heart’s desires.

Who doesn’t know what worry and fear doesn’t help? Yet who can help but to know it yet inspite of that knowledge feel it anyway? Sometimes we have fears for others and we torture them over it, even though we shouldn’t. Our fears, driven by love, or is our love driven by fear? Do you sometimes feel love more strongly because of your fear? Do we allow the love with us to masqurade as fear or do we allow our fears to masqurade as love?

Do we have the strenght to let go when you know that holding on will only pave a harsher tomorrow? This happiness that you feel now which will deminish leaving you in sorrow later… You don’t know that that sorrow will come, but you only know that you are currently over the moon… Are you willing to let go of that wonderful feeling for the fear of a tomorrow that you are uncertain about? Will predictions be our lives dictators?

I know that fear is useless and wasteful. But I am only human. And more so, I am a strayed and scared human, with scars which were self-inflicted, unnoticable yet too deep to forget.

I cannot lose my light. Cannot allow the fear of uncertainty to cloud it.

I do trust in God and I do have faith in Him to lead me right.

But I have not yet surrendered totally. I suppose that’s just the fearful human in me.

*sigh*

Take care and God bless.

Sincerely,
Fighting Fears