Haagen

I hadn’t slept with Haagen. I had just gotten too drunk to make it down the stairs so he put me up in his mom’s room. Nick decided I was a cheating whore anyway, and treated me like absolute filth for about a week. I started spending more and more of my time with Haagen. What I liked most about him was that he can just talk. Like on and on and I don’t have to say a word … I can just listen. Which was amazing while I was getting through the grieving process over my mother.

Nick and I grew further and further apart. I had been telling him I was unhappy for going on 2 years now. I would do the fake happy couple crap but when we would get home we didn’t really talk anymore. He just played video games and I sat on my phone until it was time for bed. Whenever I tried to talk to him about anything he would brush it off, get defensive or try … for about a day.

On April 4th, 2020 I moved in with Haagen. He had moved up from St. Paul to live with his mom and now his mom was spending all her time at her boyfriends house so it was pretty much just him. Covid 19 was in full mode and Haagen and I were working pretty much 5:30AM-8PM every single day. Some days just him and I running the whole damn kitchen. We spent 24/7 together and I figured he would get sick of me soon enough. After all, it wasn’t really supposed to be a relationship … I had just gotten out of quite a long one.

Long story told short, his mom decided to get rid of her apartment since she was staying with her boyfriend anyway. We had 2 months to figure out where to move to. Now, I had gotten my driver’s permit but because of Covid I hadn’t gone back for my license, so we needed to find a place in Osseo. I was working with someone on buying a house but on June 6th that all went out the window. I quit my job. The job I have been at for 19 years. I had been working doubles since Thanksgiving, often understaffed. I was exhausted. I just didn’t get out of bed. I didn’t answer my phone. Haagen bought me 3 bottles of whiskey and I sat around drunk ignoring life for 4 days.

We needed to be out of the apartment by June 30th. No apartments in Osseo. Couldn’t buy a house without a job. Hard to get a job without an address. We ended up at an extended stay hotel a few miles out of town and put our furniture in a storage unit while we kept trying to find a place. I came to the realization that I didn’t need to be in Osseo. Yes, I love my little home town and I said I never wanted to leave again … but without a job, without my mom, (and grandma moved in with my uncle.) I really had nothing tying me there. Haagen and I started talking about Duluth, or the Dells. I don’t remember what sparked the conversation but somehow the talk of moving back to St. Paul came up. I knew people in the city. (Gigi & Paris.) He grew up in the midway so he could show me & Kat around.

I am writing to you now from my kitchen table in St. Paul. We are just starting to get settled. (Had to order a bed and some living room furniture.) We weren’t actually able to move until September 1st. Things are coming together. Looking for work in the city has been pretty easy … I made the decision I didn’t want to go back to work right away and Haagen supports it. He supports everything I do actually. Even Keto! Kat stayed with grandma for most of the Covid lock down and lets just say she didn’t eat that healthy or get much physical activity. So Haagen is playing along and our whole house is now keto. I can’t remember the last time I posted an update about my weight, but I had lost 133 pounds total. I made it to my goal weight which my doctor said was appropriate for my height. Although, living in a hotel for 2 months … I did gain a few pounds back.

Kat still talks to Nick, even though he isn’t technically her dad. In fact, she is spending the weekend with him because it’s her boyfriends birthday on Wednesday. Nick was talking to me for awhile, but when I didn’t acknowledge his “Happy Anniversary!” message on fb he threw a tantrum. It’s like, what was I supposed to say, we had been split up for 4 months at that point.

So yeah. That’s kinda whats been going on. There is a lot of things I’m sure I missed but I’m hoping to get back into the habit of writing.