hmmmm

 Let’s start with minor venting. 

You all know we got the puppy right?  Well he fits in wonderfully and all that, but my father is a douchebag. He bitches about shit alllll the time. Puppy has an accident he whines and bitches about it instead of acting like an adult and cleaning it up he throws a lil bitch fit. If the puppy pulls something out of place, because that’s what puppies do…they are curious lil shits, but it’s part of having a puppy…it takes time. Anything is out of place or that or he deems something to be a mess, what does my father do? Throws a bitch fit, and throws out snide comments and just a bunch of bullshit…really fucking childish and annoying and what does he proceed to do…goes and sits on his computer making snide comments and being a bitch about it instead of doing something about it. If he wants to throw a god damn fit about every little thing and continue to do nothing…then he only has himself to blame. Crying about shit and not doing (or trying to do something) about it…changes nothing and just makes you look like a punk ass bitch. He is a lazy, perfectionist, douchebag that is full of shit….and whenever I call him out on his bullshit…everyone teams up against me…even though facts are facts and I call him out on it every time.  I’m tired of watching him walk past a puppy accident bitching about it or ignoring it until someone else comes along to deal with it. It’s childish and fucking stupid. Oh and get this…this mother fucker…so I watched him walk past and blatantly ignore a puppy accident…watched him look right at it, and ignore it and go back to his room and get on his computer. And I called him out on it,  (i was about to leave…my ride was in the driveway, and I yelled back…thanks for picking that shit up…it’s nice to know youre scared of a lil bit of puppy shit" He retorts with this shit like  "I’m not scared I’ve picked up more dog shit than you." HAHAHAHAHAA AS FUCKING IF (ok so not a grand thing to brag about but)  I’ve cared for over a hundred dogs daily….at work….tell me again how a couple pups that are potty trained can even come close to producing the same amount of fecal matter as over a hundred dogs every day….yeah…doesn’t make sense does it douchebag. Or how about the fact he says.."I’ll watch the dog"  I was working on repairing my computer….I go downstairs and he ignored the pup completely. Left it in the hallway, where I found several messes…he’s a puppy….it takes time…I burst through the door like wtf…I thought you were watching the dog…and he said he was which was blatant bullshit…then I go back up continue working on my comp…go back down a lil later….he’s locked the dog in the room with him for several hours…away from the food and water….and he threw a fit "I’m not chasing the dog around constantly" IT’S A GOD DAMN PUPPY….IT TAKES FUCKING TIME!!! AND YOU CAN’T LOCK A PUPPY UP IN A ROOM….IT’S A PUPPY….it has energy…you don’t coop up a puppy…When it comes to my father…I can’t stand in to many degrees. 

Ummm, E3 …E3 is going on…my computer isn’t fully repaired so I missed some of Day 1 stuff, but I will post in more detail after all or most of the news is released. 

So this shit is hard.Trying to just regain control of myself when it comes to her. I miss the hell out of her….I really do, but I won’t allow myself to give in. I’m going to control myself again. I will not allow myself to fall back into that weakness of feeling like shit and unwanted and what not….regardless of if I am wanted or not…I’m the king…and I deserve greatness. It’s not like things have really changed…I mean I still love her and all, but I’m tired of this weird situation with her. I’m tired of being stressed and worried about her and wondering if I matter at all. I’m tired of this whole she doesn’t want to be with me, but doesn’t want me to be with someone else bit. We won’t talk for awhile and I’ll talk to someone else, and then if she finds out any minor detail about my hanging our or talking to someone she seems to get all jealous and such and not want me to be with someone else, but of course never shows me much that says she wants to be with me or that she even thinks about me. Maybe she does maybe she doesn’t…assuming I regain control of how I feel, it won’t matter anymore. Now don’t be mistaken…I love her and I would love the chance to at least try considering everything. But she really needs to give me something ya know, or I will have to find somebody new. Ya know I’m lonely as fuck and all, and if I can find somebody then I’ll have to ignore that part of me that listens to her when she acts like she doesn’t want me to be with them. Ya know…another thing I noticed….the whole  -dont want me, but dont want me with someone else- reminded me of how when I was talking to K she talked shit about her and tried to convince me to not try, and it even kind of sorta went vice versa as well, and yet now they are all buddy buddy…it’s weird is all I’m saying. Ladies make no sense….and yet I am so tired of being alone. I just want someone to ya know…be interested romantically and not play the bullshit ya know? 

Alright so I have a lil excerpt on the writing progress…it’s really short because I really…haven’t figured out the right words for this addition yet …I see it in my head, but can’t word it right. I see it clear as day but just cant figure it…like…It’s the main character driving at night in the rain. Sounds simple enough but I just can’t word it the right way. 

Idk what else to say. I’ve had some tormenting dreams picking at my loneliness and what not…damn does it suck lol  Where the fuck is the girl that is going to see me and really appreciate me and show it? I want my girl damnit. 

Night guys…much love and stuff.