hmmm

 Alright, so I am up ridiculously late for a myriad of reasons. My being an insomniac, being one and the other being that I may or may not have a broken thumb. Haven’t gotten it checked out yet. Waiting to see if it gets better after a few days or not. 

To me it doesn’t look that bad. If it is broken it is minor at best, and just the bone at the end of my finger (for the life of me I can’t remember the name of that bone…which is pathetic..I know. Shut up it’s past 4 am).  It’s been roughly a day and a half and there hasn’t been a change. I keep forgetting that it is injured and trying to use it, which hurts lol. I keep putting my hand under my head when I lay down, which immediately wakes me right the fuck up. I don’t know. It sucks, very annoying. And most of all…there’s a chance of my streak of having never broken anything may be broken as well 🙁 . I feel great though. So as far as my thumb goes it’s either a minor break, or a really bad normal injury. Really it doesn’t look impressive at all…which would also frustrate me…my first broken bone better look fucking gnarly. lol 

Oh and how this injury occurred…hockey. I was in goal. I botched a poke check. Missed the puck with my stick and the shooter shot the puck but i got just a piece of the puck to stop the shot, but the stick followed through and got under the padding of the blocker and directly to my thumb. Last save of the game. 

I may have to write a private entry soon. Not sure. Maybe Maybe not. Can’t decide.

So this is going to be a minor rant. Feel free to ignore it if you like. 

Funny how I only matter when you’re all depressed and shit. Funny how you have the audacity, to cry to me about how you want to be loved, and how you feel alone. When I know damn well there were several dudes you were talking to that cared about you. You have the audacity to cry to me about being alone. Bitch, you have a god damn child. That’s not alone. You want to know what alone feels like. By all means step in to my shoes. You cry to me about being lonely? HA, bitch, you choose to ignore those that have been right there with you and helping you and shit. For fuck’s sake…I can’t even rely on family. I have been alone far longer than a month. And I know a few of you are going to try to make a claim for your presence, but you are only fooling yourself. Some of you may claim that I am choosing to ignore those that have been right there…fun fact…I see everything. I think rationally. I’ve looked at my situation without emotion…and guess what…nobody. This bitch wants to cry to me about lonely? And feeling like she’s being abandoned? Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve had more people walk out of my life happily in 2 months than you’ve lost in 5 years. You want to know what alone feels like? Try reaching out for a little support, and having those you thought you could rely on just watch you fall. You want to know what alone feels like? Try relying on yourself to mend all your pain on your own. Try realizing that romantically speaking…there’s nobody interested. Try realizing how you personally feel…really doesn’t matter to anyone. Again, you may make your claims, but I am no fool. Try being unable to sleep because of how alone you are. Try being tormented by the fact that it doesn’t matter how good you are, or how valuable, or how much you do for people, or how much you care…you are still alone. Try being in my position. Try sacrificing everything you’ve worked for, for some ungrateful people because it’s what you believe is right…and not being appreciated for it in any way. Try being the overlooked one, while the unworthy get all the spoils of your effort. Alone? Bitch, you don’t know the first god damn thing about being alone. Especially when you are bitching to me of all people about it. You want to feel pain? You want to feel alone? You want to feel worthless? By all means step right in my shoes. 

[That being said, I know I am not worthless…I am still arrogant as fuck. I deem myself to be one of the few genuine good guys left. But I do feel worthless late at night when I realize how much I’ve sacrificed and lost and how absolutely alone I am, but I still have the confidence in me that knows it’ll get better for me….it just has to right?]

Alright…I think I am done. I’m going to go lay down and listen to music and probably play pokemon until I decide I’m hungry enough to make food. 

King out.