06/25/2013

 So a friend told me that I should just sit down and commit to writing what’s in my head, and hope that it just works out. I’ve been on the verge of writing this for awhile now, but I keep disliking it.

Beyond this writing bit, my situation still sucks. Re-teaching yourself not to care is quite the task. And I feel the need to address the individual that stated "Either get busy living, or get busy dying, son. Ain’t no other two ways about it." That is very simplistic and very poor perspective. If you’re not happy, die?  That’s ridiculously stupid, and in my opinion pathetic. Not trying to be rude, but c’mon "son" Get busy living or get busy dying? The pain, the sadness, the loneliness, all the time spent experiencing negative things….that’s what makes the positive things feel so good. Get busy dying because times are hard? Fuuuck that. The longer I spend in my own personal hell, all the better I will feel once I get a grip on my own personal Rapture. 

 

Robert Downey Jr. agreed to Avengers 2 and 3, so chances are the rest of the cast are now satisfied with the terms. So that should turn out great. 

 

The NHL Stanley Cup finals, are fucking CRAZY. Amazing games. I’m pulling for the Blackhawks personally. Played hockey last night, and I am quite convinced I am cursed to NEVER HAVE A TEAM PLAY INTELLIGENT DEFENSE WHEN I PLAY GOALIE. Over and over and over again I watch my team press in too deep and get caught. Cue breakaway. Or I’d watch them play dumbass defense and give the offense all the time in the world. Idc how good of a goalie you are…if the shooter has all fucking day to look and decide where to shoot, the goalie is going to be at a huge disadvantage. I’d watch my defense ignore the person on the back door. I make the first stop…Rebounds out and nobody is on that guy, thus easy shot on an essentially empty net. Or the shooter gets an easy pass across, and a guy can only  get across so fast. Or my defense would pinch in to much, leaving me with no room to see, or move. If my defense is right on the top of my crease, and the shooter is at the top of the circle…my defense is doing nothing but getting in the way. We tied it up, decided that we would do a shootout. I shut em down. Not 1 goal on me in the shootout. We won. 

 

Gaming news. Microsoft has pulled a total U-turn on their stupid ass policies. No more required internet connection every 24 hours. No more of the ridiculous and confusing used game policies. At the same time it removes a few things that I was interested in. That being the ability to just sign on on any console, which you can do now, just have to recover. So that’s a minor thing. The other being a family plan, allowing you to share games. However with the Microsoft U-turn, EA confirmed that they will not be bringing back the stupid ass online pass code shit. I am still unsure as to which console I will invest in. I’m waiting for something to provide me with a solid…this sets this one apart. 

 

Sister is probably paying me in advance a lil bit, so I plan to replace my broken phone first. Then I gotta grab a bday gift for a friend. 

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Picked up Injustice, and 2 copies of Animal Crossing New Leaf (one for me and one as a gift.) Loving Animal Crossing. Injustice is pretty badass, I mean…c’mon  a beat em up game with dc heros…that’s pretty great. I’m a Flash fan. So I like to use him. I like heroes that have a moral compass and a character that seems realistic, and is admirable. Captain America….his character is what makes him super more-so than his super serum attributes. Flash is the light hearted moral compass of the Justice League, so he’s awesome. In Animal Crossing…I’m still getting started cus its only like day 2 and it runs on a real time clock. Like The hours of the stores are roughly 8-10 and past/before those times they are closed. Play at night it’s night time. It is a really cool concept that is surprisingly entertaining. You can customize just about everything. I currently have a hammerhead shark in my room…don’t judge me lol. Waiting to get my Developer’s permit so I can start getting shops built in my town. I’m the mayor, by accident…I sent a note to my future self "If you are reading this you have fallen into their rouse. You are not the mayor. Trust no one."   You name your town and what not before you really play, and you show up in the town and everyone just assumes youre the mayor…the next day you get a letter from who was supposed to be mayor, and they just accept it. lol  

BTW If you have a 3DS, and/or Animal Crossing New Leaf, please give my your friend code. Mine is… : 1032-1403-2143

 

Saw Man Of Steel. Was a good movie worth the watch. I don’t want to give any spoils, so I will keep this part limited. I felt it was too long. The first 30-40 mins is characterization of characters we barely really see. And then the whole bit is recapped later. The relationships were solid, except I felt the relationship btw Supes and Lois was rather forced, and a lot of laughable moments that weren’t intended to be. Etc. Etc.  Worth a watch, but I’d say wait till you can watch it at home. 

 

Under…The….DOME!!!  Pilot just aired….Holy shit…it actually looks like it is setting up to be really good. I know they are changing certain things from the book, but that could turn out ok. On few minor story arcs, I am a bit lost, compared to the book. But it really does look good. I’m nervous as hell, because this was a great great book, and could be done wrong. I’m also surprised by the cast. 

Along those lines, Stephen King has a new book that I hadn’t heard about Doctor Sleep…looks like sort of a Shining sequel sort of…pumped for that. 

 

Watched The Purge, and boooy was that reallllly bad. lol 

 

Umm okay, time to sort of address..her. Babe, you know I love you. I’ve always been absolutely 100% honest with you. I’ve tried to be the one constant thing you could depend on for a long long time. I’ve tried to provide you with an undying source of optimism and confidence that no matter how shitty things get, that the pain is only temporary and that eventually the pieces will fall into place, and something will come along or be realized that makes everything all better. I wanted to instill faith in you that things do get better. I wanted you to see me for what I am. I am the best in the world. There are very few that can hold a candle to me. I have my flaws, like anybody else, but my good qualities make my flaws look like good things. I am an amazing guy. You seem to refuse to really appreciate what makes me great. You seem to refuse to appreciate me. I can say this stuff only so many times before it just becomes words. I can only prove my worth so many times, before it means nothing. There is only so much I can do, before it becomes pointless. I know without a doubt in my mind, that I am amazing. And that eventually someone will see that, and will put forth the effort to show that I mean something to them, and I will do the same, and I will be happy. I’m not going to lie that this is

hard on me. You told me once, "If you love me, you will stick by me while I get through this" I am, and always will be here for you if you NEED me. I promised you that I always would be there if you needed me. Now, with the whole…"stick by [you]" if I love you bit. There’s a difference between sticking by someone, and waiting on someone. I’ve tried to stick by you, but you ahve done nothing but push away, ignore, and deflect. So I tried to stick by you, but you preferred I just sit and wait for you to deem me worth a second of your time. That’s not how friendship works. It’s not a waiting game. It’s wanting to actually talk and be around that person, and be comforted by them, and trust them, and all that shit. I’ve always been ready and able to be there for you, and whenever I start to feel pain, or human emotions, you convince me to tell you, and then you either disappear or give a short bland response, and then disappear, like most of the others. I don’t understand how I am somehow perceived as supposed to be something other than human. I’m supposedly not supposed to feel. Or if I am, I’m only supposed to feel upbeat good time feelings and confidence and what not. But anytime I start to feel pain, I’m left on my own by you. If you ever wonder why I just try not to tell you, but you ask so I tell, it’s because I know you don’t care, and you will not make an effort to be there for me. I love you. Unfortunately, that seems to be a mistake. Part of me still believes, and hopes that I am wrong on that regard. I honestly wish that circumstances were different. I wish you would open your eyes, and organize your priorities when it comes to people. I know you work alot, and have a lot going on…but you continue to show yourself as being full of shit. I get the work thing, but that will only keep your mind occupied for so long. In time, the bad shit builds and wins, and you will realize that you should have reached out and tried to make more of an effort towards me. Appreciated me more. Realized how damn good I am, and have been to you. I’m just done making the effort. You can say that it is a two way street, but I have pulled my weight and then some. I have traveled the extent of my road, and you haven’t made an effort at all. All I am saying at this point is, only message me if you actually need me. NEED me. or if you have decided or realized that you are ready to work on things, or change them, or…ya know…just ready to get past this stupid shit. Normal conversations, I am done with. Just ways to keep me holding on to hope that sooner or later you will actually address the issues instead of deflecting and hiding from them. If history repeats itself, I should know better, because you have never addressed teh issues, you have always tried to just bury them. In that regard, I am sorry I haven’t gotten through to you that no matter what I am there for you when needed. I am sorry that you feel like you can’t talk about the issues. But you have to make an effort to you know. Most importantly, if you never do decide to work things out, or realize anything, or get over your shit, or if you just all together throw me aside. That’s whatever, but I do hope that you find someone that will care about you and be as good to you as I was/did/do/could have been. 

 

Alright, I am done for the night. I will post some writing soon. 

 

Much love people. 

Good night.