[[88]]can’t i just be left alone?

so, fredi and his friend seem to find it entertaining to send me myspace messages every time i post a survey bulletin. because they have a question like “what will you not put up with in a relationship?” and i answer “addiction (drugs, alcohol etc), and antisocialism.” apparently they find that offensive. I DON’T fucking care. just because they are two twenty-somethings with lives going nowhere and fredi is under the fucking foolish assumption that i didn’t love him or something, does not give them permission to harrass me. so i deleted them both off of my friends and blocked fredi’s friend who has been the sender of the messages.

i mean really, i’m trying really freaking hard to move on. no, i’m not over him. yes my current significan other knows that and thank goodness he is supportive. but really, getting me pissed off is not the way to go about getting me to move on. i’m not going back to him. having his friends harass me certainly isn’t helping. it’s only making me more sure that i made the right decision. if his friend is 26, he should not be sending stupid messages to a nineteen year old girl who he knows you should not mess with.

ugh. i’m so pissed off. i want to move on so bad. but it’s almost impossible. first of all i can’t stop thinking about fredi sometimes. he has invaded my brain. when i’m trying to be intimate with zach, i cry because i am so used to it being fredi. in my creative writing class, i’m forever writing about fredi. i just want it to go away. i still love him, but i know i can’t go back. he is a fake. he doesn’t know who he is. he’s just trying to live up to his idols…kurt cobain, jimi hendrix, brad noel…not the best to look up to but still. that’s the life he has made for himself and i know that i have much better things waiting for me.

fuck this shit, seriously.