[[107]] worry.

I never thought I’d have the kind of relationship I’m in right now.  Somehow, I have managed to find the guy who likes to cuddle and share whispered words of love after sex.  I’ve found the guy who wakes up in the morning, rolls over and puts his head on my chest, because he doesn’t want to let me go yet.  This boy that I’ve had a crush on since freshmen year of high school, has turned out to be the one person who makes me feel so safe when I’m with him.

I have this amazing guy, yet somehow I am still so insecure. Constanty wondering is he cheating on me? If I read his ex’s away message (which I should seriously stop doing), or go to her myspace (which is private, thank goodness), I wonder, have they spoken?  Today, when I saw his name in her away message (though I know he was with his father), I wonder, is he with her?  I know in my heart that he’s not.  But my head has a hard time catching up.  Maybe it’s because my ex was such a loser and a liar that I have this issue, but whatever the reason, it is so bothersome.  I just want to have complete faith in him, but my mind won’t let me.

On my side of things, I feel kind of bad for him.  I don’t know why, but I am constantly being hit on.  Be it guys who come into my work, or just random people I see, I hate it.  I’m considering going to a cheap jewelry store like claire’s or icing and buying some cheap look a like wedding ring so people will leave me alone. I mean really, when 40-year old black males are calling my store to give me their number, things are out of hand.  Especially when I look fairly young for my age.

I wish I could just get away with him and move somewhere where no one can bother us.  Just to have him all to myself and him have me so we don’t have to worry. It would be so much easier.