Update
Still alive.
I am still trying to change aspects about myself to see if it can change the path of my life. I am still growing out my hair. It has been about one year since my last haircut. Bonnie finds me more attractive with the long hair but she still won’t go do anything physical with me beyond a back massage. She freaked out when I gave her a peck on the cheek. I also have dug out my old Army combat boots and began wearing them instead of wearing tennis shoes. I also started wearing a watch and my high school class ring. I like but do not like wearing watches and jewelry.
I also joined a church. It is a Unitarian Universalist church which hosts humanists and atheists such as myself. I mainly joined to have somewhere to go to get out of the house once in a while. I do not want to feel like a shut-in which I had been feeling. I did not want my son to see me as a person who never leaves the house. I take him to that church and he does not mind going. I had him earn his religious emblem badge with the cub scouts by learning about UU-ism and its principles.
In an effort to get more involved with the church and its social activities I went to a men’s fellowship breakfast this morning. It did not go too bad but it was as I feared. Only old men attended. Other than me, nobody was under 50. In fact, it appears that is the demographic of the church. There is a bigger UU church with an assumably wider demographic but it is a little bit further away and I do not want to travel further than necessary just to go to a church.
My brother is getting married in three weeks. He is in such a hurry to marry this 18 year old girl. As soon as she turned 18, he wanted to get an engagement ring on her finger. I do not understand why. Last Mother’s Day he was dating a paramedic his age then he broke up with her because he felt she was too old for his tastes. Then, about two months later he tells me he is looking at engagment rings with some girl. Then, Thanksgiving weekend he puts the ring on her finger. Oh, I forgot to mention that in late July or so, my brother moved out of his house and found someone to rent his house. Then, he and his daughter moved in with my mom. My mom was thrilled at first because she would get to see her granddaughter more often. I believe in September or maybe October, my mom allows my brother’s girlfriend to move in as well. Now, when I was dealing with my divorce, my mom refused to let me move in.
So, now my 32 year old brother is marrying this unremarkable 18 year old girl and they will be both living with my mom in her house. The girl wants a place of their own but that takes effort and my brother does not do anything for himself. He has always had a woman take care of him. He has never had to pay bills. Even when his wife left him, she would pay his bills for him using his checking account that she probably set up for him. Now, living with my mom, she pays all the bills not even asking him to help contribute anything. If fact, my mom is thinking about giving him the house and moving out to ensure he has a place of his own and ensuring a place that her granddaughter can call home. My mom claims that this is all years from now but I can tell in voice that she was thinking about doing this shortly after the marriage. My mom mentioned that she did not help me as much because I appeared to be doing a good job taking care of myself. Whatever, I thought to myself. She also mentioned that if she where to give my brother the house they are all in right now that she would give me the house that I am in right now plus the cash difference of the value between the houses. Whatever.
I guess this enough of an update right now. I need to get back in the habit of making journal entries again. One of the reasons I have not been visiting OD is because I bought a Nook Tablet. I read on the internet how to hack the Nook Tablet to turn it into a cheap Android tablet which I was successfully able to do. So, I have been playing on my tablet rather than taking the time to type journal entries.