Lonely and Nostalgic

Well, I am back on OD.  I am sure I had loads to write about these past two months.  I just could not muster the motivation to write entries or even browse bookmarked  diaries.

I have been feeling lonely and nostalgic lately.  It does not help being in a house by myself.  It took about a year after my brother and his now ex-wife moved out for me to start feeling the emptiness of the house.  But, lately though, I have been replaying memories in my head of the time when my ex and I were still together living in our house.  I think about the Sunday mornings when I would make breakfast for her:  2 scrambled eggs, 4 strips of CRISPY bacon, 2 fluffy buttermilk biscuits that I would always forget to make until she would ask where were her biscuits, honey and jam, and milk with just a little bit of Hershey’s chocolate syrup.  I wonder now if she still gets breakfast made for her on Sunday mornings.

I think about the noises she would make when she would play with our son when he was a baby.  I think about how she would come home from work, drop her backpack in the dining room chair, take her work shirt off and leave it on the floor by the wall near the kitchen.  I have all these memories and little factoids that I replay in my head.  I remember she drinks Dr. Pepper like water.  If she is not drinking Dr. Pepper, it’s iced tea.  Her favorite candy is SweetTarts and Smarties.  Her favorite snack is Cheez-Its.  She doesn’t care for chocolate unless she is on her period.  I don’t remember what type of chocolate candy she would eat.  Reese’s peanut butter cups or KitKats?  Her favorite television stations are Lifetime and Lifetime Movie Network.  She likes to have a bedtime snack of Doritos and half a large pickle.  On occasion it would be the TGIF’s microwavable spinach dip and chips.  I wonder how much I remember about her is still true after these five years.

I keep replaying these memories because I do not have any other memories during a time where I felt normal.  Now, it is just me alone having the hardest time just getting a date.  I know I sound all melancholy on here but on the dating sites I have tried, I present myself as fun seeking, a little quirky, and funny.  Or, at least, that is how I try to present myself on those dating profiles.

My aunt whose husband died last year has started dating.  My brother landed a date with a woman he just met at a mall food court or restaurant when she remarked she needed teriyaki sauce and he turned around and offered his.  Granted he has been dating, but he landed a date without even trying.  Here it is five years later with me and I have landed one date and one date where I was stood up.  I have tried Plenty of Fish, Match, E-harmony, and OK Cupid.  What is wrong with me?