Change of Heart
For years since 1996 I had a huge crush on Laura. I first noticed her at a going away party my then girlfriend (now ex-wife) threw for me before I headed off to basic training. We never really hung out or talked or anything. My best friend Bryan started dating her in 2001 or so, I believe. I know it was not 2000 because Bryan was at a New Year’s Eve party downtown. Bryan and Laura first hooked up at a New Year’s Eve party at my brother’s house. I was very envious of Bryan. I told him I would live vicariously through him. He would tell me how great her blowjob skills were and that talking French to her turned her on a’la Gomez and Morticia Addams.
Laura and I started going to concerts together. I remember we saw Garbage at a small concert venue but Bryan was there as well and they were still an item. But, I do remember we did go to two all day concerts that was just the two of us. That is when I really started crushing on her. We talked and that is when I really got to know her. We had lots of interests in common.
When my ex left me, that is when I tried hanging out and talking with Laura more. I do not remember if initially I called her or if she called me. We just talked on the phone for a few minutes a handful of times. She was mainly interested how I was handling the separation and divorce. We did schedule one date though she just saw it as two friends hanging out. We took a walk around the lake. I think we did that twice. One time our walk was cut short because I had to pick up my son earlier than expected due to his sick cousins. The other time we chilled out at her apartment afterwards.
I remember her calling to schedule some type of activity with me (bowling, perhaps) but my son was demanding my attention so she said she would call back later. I also remember her calling me to invite me to some ceramic making session as part of her birthday. Bonnie told me that Laura was very selective regarding that invite and that I must be very special to her. But, then shortly after, Laura receives a one word text message of "Yo" from an ex-boyfriend. She spirals into a deep depression.
Fast forward a bit, Laura is at a treatment center. I write her letters. She wrote back just a few times. But, each time I was crawling up the walls waiting for her next letter. Then, she was allowed phone privileges. She did call me just a few times. But, again, I was crawling up the walls for her next call. I was also torturing myself constantly wondering if Laura would ever develop any romantic feelings for me. Even as of a few months ago, I wanted a romantic relationship with Laura. I could not believe it when Laura moved in with me. It was like a dream come true even if she moving in strictly as a platonic roommate. Well, now after all these years, I no longer have romantic feelings for her.
When I see Laura, I do not see the person that was so awesome to hang out with and to talk with. That person is gone. There used to be small windows of time where parts of the old Laura that I am attracted to would surface. The windows have gotten shorter and shorter to the point where Laura seems to be actively trying to keep those windows from opening now. I was so excited to see Laura move in and now I will be excited to see her move out.
Just to note, presently Laura has been staying at her mom’s house this past month and a half. But, Laura still has a room set up with the majority of her clothes and personal effects at my house. She has not paid rent for July. But, at the end of the month I am going to ask if she plans on coming back. Hopefully not, I am sorry to say. I will ask that she pay a storage fee starting in August until she decides where she is going to live. I do not want to kick her out. I want her to leave of her own accord. I want to be known as the friend that tried giving her a chance and not as the friend that kicked her out on her ass.