Things I found on the Internet
Some things that I came across this morning that were meaningful:
“The tree cannot grow without daring the lightning.”
This is a quote a colleague from India attributed to one of her teachers. I really like it, hadn’t heard it before.
This entry from Idorgaf, the parable of the jar with the balls and sand and water is so meaningful – again, something I hadn’t heard before.
The U.S. Believes in Everything but Women
By Sady Doyle, this piece is so powerful. “In America, anything is more credible than a woman who reports her own sexual assault.”
Every woman I know (who is willing to share) has a story (or more likely, stories) of sexual assault or predation, situations that they were forced into against their will. The huge responses to the #MeToo movement and now #WhyIDidntReport are so blindingly, achingly obvious – yet as a society, so many of us are still willing to accept the story of one person over that of another, simply because one is a man who is “respected” or “esteemed” or “reputable”.
If the last couple years have taught us anything, it is that this part of our culture is so deeply embedded, that how respected or esteemed a man is doesn’t have any correlation with how likely it is that he has engaged in predatory or assaultive behavior. If anything it makes it more likely, since it is so often a by-product of the man’s perceived power over others, because of his position.
Why can’t we just start with a baseline where we believe women and then work from there? If you want to make it just about math, simple statistics prove that if a women is reporting sexual assault, it’s way more likely that it did happen, than it didn’t.
I have so much to say about this, but Ms. Doyle says it much better than I could.
It’s really hard to think that woman have anything good to contribute to America with the ignorant president you have…..Our Federal Govenment is now 50% women and 50% percent men plus there is equale reseptation of minorities so I think you Americans have a lot of work to do before women are created equeal.
@jaythesmartone that is a very good point – our country would be much better off if the majority of political leaders were women.
@thediarymaster having lived through Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher and currently living through Prime Minister Theresa May, I’m not too sure about that one
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I’ve been struggling with writing my Me Too story here. It’s hard. I don’t know if I can. Even after 4.5 decades, even not naming names I still struggle with the doubts. What if nobody believes me? What if they think it’s my fault? Will this be all they think about when they think of me? Will I only be that girl who was raped from now on? It’s still hard.
@emiliasdance that is exactly why so many women have not been able to tell their stories – I hope that our society is changing enough that eventually there will not be anything that makes it hard for people like you to share their experience (if they wish to) – victims need to be supported and believed, first and foremost.
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I am a me too victim too
@kaliko I am not exaggerating when I say that it seems like every woman I know has a story like this, so sad that this is how our culture is but I hope so much that it will get better.
@thediarymaster it is sad because most women I know have had that happen to them that I know too. sadly many are far too ashamed to tell anyone, others are scared.
@kaliko exactly, and nobody can blame them that they don’t want to share their stories in the current climate – but the fact that these stories stay hidden is also a tragedy that makes them easier to repeat.
@thediarymaster I agree! Sadly many thing in my past I did not even realize it was sexual harassment. I had a boss that would come into my office several times a day and drop his pants to tuck in his shirt. I was 18 and it made me very uncomfortable but I thought maybe there was nothing wrong with it because he had underwear on
@kaliko that’s a good example of how horrible some of these kinds of behaviors can be, while confusing the person on the receiving end.
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Excellent article by Ms Doyle, although I’m not sure that I agree with it being just a U.S. issue. I’m Canadian. My Me Too story happened in 1970, when I was 16 years old and I never told a soul until I wrote about it here in my diary in 2005, 35 years later. My reasons for keeping quiet were the same as they are for most women. It’s a patriarchal world and while we do see some changes, they are slow in coming.
@wren the changes are much, much too slow in letting survivors bring their stories to light in safety – and I agree with you about it being not just a US problem, but that is the unfortunate part of it I am familiar with.
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i never talk about my moment because i was drunk when it happened & that is somehow my fault.
sorry, i mean that somehow *makes* it my fault.
@pearlysweetcake I don’t believe that at all – it takes two people to create an event like that, so it can not be your fault if you were taken advantage of.
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Listening to the Kavanaugh hearings as I type this. Both seem to be credible. I too, think women should be believed. I also know that a woman can bring a lot of fury by wrongfully accusing a man. I’m not sure where the truth lies here. I wish the FBI would investigate it. Maybe they would find something that would give us all some answers.
@dlk082244 I wish that they would have slowed this whole process down and allowed an actual investigation, it’s the only fair way to resolve what is going on, but there is just too much political motivation involved – which is just horrifying for Dr. Ford, I think.
@thediarymaster It looks like we are going to get our wish. I don’t know how much they can do in a week
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I admire those who are brave and healed enough to publically share there me too stories. I hope to be among them some day.
@jayna Dr. Ford was very brave in giving her testimony, I don’t know if I could have done it, had I been in her place – but appreciate so much that she did.
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